Not been well this week & have been thinking about my value as a disabled (autism+ADHD+PMDD) human & been comparing myself to others (never good). When I feel low I make miniature posies. I’ve been mocked for them before but they lift my mood-I hope this one lifts yours. Maybe a small life is ok…

My dog’s farts are prohibited by the Geneva Conventions

One day you're mildly amused, the next you're wielding an axe at Qdoba.

I’ll never forgot the day my ex got run over by a taxi.

That was my last day as a taxi driver.

Considering I am in the Midwest and own sheep, I can confirm.

Midwestern sext:

Ewe complete me

I like a little junk in the trunk.

We’re talking about cars, right?

Everytime I try to get my life together a new Taqueria opens up.

Senile is something you can do if you are in Egypt

If you walk in on me and I'm slathered in mashed potatoes and gravy while devouring fried chicken, either ask for a breast and join me or just walk away.

I run on brussel sprouts and depression.

I run on pizza and shame.

A hype man?

In this economy?

Dr. Pepper didn’t have a medical degree.

Will the lies ever end?

Home is where the shart is

Anyone else like to play “Find the alt”?

Hypocrites are my least favorite of all the crites.

Procreate implies the occurrence of Amaturecreate

Arnold Schwarzenegger no longer plays the role of the Terminator.

Now he’s the Exterminator.

One day you're cool, the next you have a favorite spatula.

y’all are the worst improv troupe I’ve had the pleasure of being a part of

I will wait forever, but please don't take forever.

I used to be cool, but now just looking at gluten makes my tummy hurt.

The only alpha i know is my cat.

I run on Reeses cups and guilt.

It's scary that using your brain has become political

Caution: I cause weight loss level diarrhea

Weird flex. I mean, if i was that passionate about something I'd sign my name.