Some people use their power & money to make others miserable.

…some make more Muppets.

God bless Seth Rogen.

#TheMuppetShow

Stepping out in my new double brood emergence coat of cicadas.

Too late show girl 🙊

Discombobble department headed for trouble.

Mixed up fruit basket case overload.

Opposable thumb a horseback ride a dolphin in the saddle 🙊

I am what I amber alert

Boy wonder if you're lonesome tonight show runner 🙊

You're the apple of my pierogi bear 🙊

It was a scene right out of a time standing still, you asking me to pause it, me having already paused it as I'll never want any of our moments to end and actually I hit play again in the eternity it took you to ask, but it's over. We miss fighting in blockbuster

Question marks just interrupt the flow like oh your curiosity is a whirlpool? Well then I shall satisfy it in some opposite direction so my encyclopedias don't capsize

Neither shitposter nor hitposter but a secret absurd thing (fortune pierogi)

You're not my typewriter.

Decided to just go with the flow and become a fascist bodybuilder named Muscleini.

My body is a Shirley Temple of doomscrolling.

Turkey sandmanhandle with care

I’ve watched a lot of thrillers in the past but I’ve never been more scared than watching new teen driver’s icon on Google maps.

Going to start a side hustle selling fluoride supplements to parents of young kids. I got a guy in Canada who’ll supply me.

I hope the Apparently kid is the pope one day.

Dancing cheek to cheeky monkey time 🙊

I'm in the mood for love it or leave it in bloomers 🙊

(flirting) Mood disorder, moi?

If the end of the universe was sponsored by Taco Bell:

the Big Freeze- the Baja Blast
the Big Crunch- the Crunchwrap Supreme
the Big Slurp- the Drinks Party Pack
the Big Rip- I'll let you sort this one

[looking up from newspaper and into the camera] Oh hello. My origami and paper mache and I did not see you thinking we were the bravest casual perusers at this balloon animals while you wait until it all comes together shoeshine stand

Attention: In order to ride this feature we do not care how tall you are but you must have the physical constitution to go without food/water or sleep for 72 hours

Watching a supernova: whoa omg absolutely amazing

Watching a regularnova: this is bullshit

“what child is this” bruh you wrote the damn song why you askin’ me

Mentholatum in black board jungle gym socks 🙊

WD-40 year old Virginia is for lovers.

Uh oh someone else is walking towards this carwash in the night quick all of you Miss Spinny, Miss Fluffiness, Miss Sudsy get down. It's the old hose and driveway