Breakfast today was half a weed brownie, two Ativan, and a Celsius. Let’s see!!!!!!

The boss and the hr guy wanna gossip with me!

Some girls were like “I see you, girl” which I appreciate. However, that’s pretty neutral information??????? What do I do with thst

The elderly italian lady on my team was CRACKING UP every time she saw me

One guy said “I called Neil diamond, he said blue jeans are forever”. I was like, that’s not even how the joke goES BOBBY!!!!!!!

One old gay guy kept yelling that he loves my bell bottoms across the store

Today I spilled an energy drink all over myself on my way to work. I grabbed a pair of mega flair jeans by accident and people were owning my ass all day

I did that alone in 45 minutes girl.

When people are like “my husband and I drank a whole bottle of wine” I’m like okay?? Each??? In how much time???

I don’t want to give my brother my address, but I did give the 7/11 cashier my phone number so he can collect points for me.

What the fuck even is this hair

My boss told me to just let her know if I ever need any help. I’m sorry, I will not be doing that

It’s been a real nightmare for me

God I want to go home

A 19 year old asked me how old I am, and when I said 32 she said “interesting”

I could really use $45

Joel Gott, from the wine, just came into my store

I’m outside smoking a bowl and I can hear my husband saying”let her take her break, let her take her break” to our daughter

Yesterday I told Emma (4) to put her shoes on so we could leave for school. Instead she started playing welcome to the black parade on her keyboard

I don’t really feel like drinking tomorrow. But I also don’t want anyone to think I’m pregnant. So yeah, I will get at least noticeably drunk

I just called my dispensary and they did not know how to handle that

I went home for a childhood friends funeral recently. I’m happy to report that everyone’s dads still think I’m funny

I’m too poor to be alive

I was doing multiple takes too, if i didn’t deliver my lines correctly

Do you ever get like 3 scenes into quoting a movie in your head, before you realize what you’re doing

Literally ew

This new house has one bathroom on the second floor. And there are like 17 steps 😭

Living in the city, never really knowing I’d you’re smelling food or shit

Wow, damn moving sucks ass huh

I’m moving into my new house and I can see directly into a boxing gym from my window 😄