We need another John Henry.

a painting of a starry night with a giant octopus Alt: a painting of a starry night with a giant octopus

My new main goal in life is to make a tumbler post so unhinged, that people who read it start to question the nature of reality.

Like Robert W. Chambers' The King in Yellow, but instead of a play, it's a shit-post on an obscure website from 2004. I'm thinking GeoCities meets H. P. Lovecraft.

a man in a suit is walking down stairs in front of a building . Alt: a man walking down stairs on an exploding ship

Me trying to load Bluesky today:

Posts like this feel like they were designed to REALLY test my impulse control

Drop your crime fighting Catholics

Vance says pope should ‘be careful’ when talking about theology While speaking at a Turning Point USA event in Athens, Georgia, Vice President JD Vance said that Pope Leo XIV should “be careful” when he talks about theology. The pope recently criticized the war wi...

Vance talking to Einstein: You should be careful when talking about science!

Vance talking to Martin Luther King Jr.: You should be careful when talking about segregation!

JD Vance & this entire administration are the living embodiment of the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

You get extra bonus old points for mentioning both "film cannister" AND "ashtray" in a single post. 🏆

I was once a film splicer for Mystic Color Labs back in the day. You know, when cameras had actual film in them.
I am the old.

I was successfully manipulated by bluesky posts into buying a pizza for dinner.

If you had asked me about the Strait of Hormuz a year ago, I would assume it was slang for some malt liquor beverage and a line of coke.

Bartender! I'll have a straight line, with a shot of hormuz. Please and thank you.

Critters was cool, but Critters 2: The Main Course gave us this gem of an underutilized gif:

a view of the earth from space with a blue glow Alt: a view of the earth from space with a blue glow

So we can shoot four people into space, around the moon, and safely land them back on Earth, but we can't remove one malignant narcissist pedofile from office?
Someone's got to know how to do it. I'll give anyone 10 internet points if they can pull it off

If you see this show the energy you bring to BlueSky

Anyone else completely exhausted?

Zero notifications. I will not be a slave to this app.

toke: real pizza also exists in my freezer

This seems much more effective than my previous method of opening jars, which was to smash it against a wall, and scoop the salsa off with the broken shards.

Evening in Los Angeles

My apt had a good view.

Remember in the 90's when someone traded their integrity for some cash & everyone shunned them while calling them a sellout? We also hated posers.

Unfortunately, "social media influencers" are both, and somehow they still exist. This post could be about anyone, but I bet you already thought of one.

My favorite thing about the sixth doctor was that he was a TOTAL DICK. Some people didn't like that, which is why he didn't last long. It's also ironic, since the first doctor was just like him, and people LOVED him.

I loved Colin Baker as the doctor, and I am FULLY unrepentant about that.

In a hilarious technicality, chicken IS dinosaur meat.

I hear the kids are all about "looksmaxxing" now, which is a term I believe means trying to look good.

Meanwhile, I've just invented "looksminning", which means I don't put much effort into my appearance in the hope that everyone will leave me the fuck alone.

Pictures of Oreo bags with unusual flavors.

Peeps are merely walking the road forged by Oreo.

The Producers for Sharknado: Shit! Write that down! Write that down! This will go GREAT in Sharknado 7!

Side note: I apologize if this is how you found out there are already six Sharknado movies.

US lifts sanctions on some Iranian oil as gas prices soar The treasury secretary says the move will quickly bring about 140m barrels of oil to global markets.

OPERATION: EPIC FAILURE IN FULL FORCE!

Has anyone seen my cocaine?

No one really knew how jacked Jason from Friday the 13th was until he started branching out into other movies.

Giving a like, but not being happy about it.

The job market is pretty tough right now, so I'm entertaining possible new career paths...

Welcome to Budget Cooking... for lazy people. Today, we find ourselves in the discount section of the frozen meal isle of your local grocery store and... wait... do those 9oz chicken dinners have a Manager's Discount sticker on it?! JACKPOT! Load up, boys! We're set for the week!