*Re train, although holding them down may help to prevent the stupidity 😃

Forward thinking and contingency planning. What would be your consultancy fee to restrain my bosses?

Where's the odds on Suzy Izzard? A trustworthy and likeable possible PM if she's still in parliament for labour.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
The interrupting cow.
The int...🐮Moo!

I think this is this the one where the donkeys come in regularly to see if their staff have put any toast on. I couldn't resist putting a couple of slices in when I see one of them nuzzling the toaster as a hint.

As someone from south of the border I would like to offer an alternative in the independence debate - Scottish rule. Westminster as a debating chamber to give some point of reference and final decisions to be made by the more sensible Scots.

Menswear section in Tesco - f***ing bollox to that!

Pork Trek III : The Search For Speck

Off to do the big food shop with the Saturday and Sunday customers all trying to do it at the same time. I think some weapons may be necessary. What a stroke of luck! The police seem to have left a bag of machine guns outside my door 😲

In a fairly standard display of organisation at work I turned up as the only person with a front door key only to find they changed the alarm code without telling all the keyholders. Sirens! Alarms! Luckily an engineer from the alarm company happened to be driving up our road when the alert went out

There's a take me out pun to be had here in relation to the band and the date scenario. Unfortunately I'm too tired/hungry to do it any justice. Waiting for the Mrs so I can whack the dinner in the oven.

I'll take the wedge, no, the hammerhead. How many galactic credits to buy the lot? I can't decide.

Avenged Ben Folds Five

The resulting space-time distortion should allow the contents of the pyramid to experience time at a different rate. Rough costing 4 and 16 zeroes units of electric per hour plus a much bigger supply box and meter 😆

I came up with a rough plan when my "managers" at work scheduled 60+ hours of work through my machine in a week. It involved a 3 sided pyramid made of carbon nano tubes and a petawatt laser aimed at each point.

If you have rolled several cars on low speed roads and have a ridiculous amount of money in the bank maybe set up an Uber account? He doesn't ned to drive himself if he's that crap at it/

I heard "mumbler" used to describe this - you can see the lips move, but can't quite figure out what they are saying.

As an experienced level safety gear wearer I have a possible recommendation. If you need more feel there is a type of safety glove known as a dexter - the thumb and forefinger are only half covered. I sometimes use them when a job involves a lot of measuring with callipers.

11 has really killed it for me, I'm thinking it belongs as a bootable partition on a secondary drive next time I update. It runs like it's being emulated inside another OS.

I'm qualified to pour the Guinness, got a certificate from St James' Gate. Might need to have the refresher course though, I think it's about 20 years old.

I can't be trusted with a knife and a bottle of salad dressing. If someone leaves salad cream in the fridge at work I carefully cut out the S and a sliver of the border to make an apostrophe. I then leave someone a bottle of ALAD'S CREAM to put on their lunch.

Source: Scottish Aye. This could be a genuine funny mistake they have found, or it may well be made up before you rush online to buy some.

A batch of midge repellent bottles with a misprint minge instead of midge

I usually find my face and personality do the job, but if you need further help this might do the job.

Just literally had the same problem, but with a nylon wingnut that would unwind on a rusty bolt. Ended up hacking through the nut to split it and take it off sideways.

Not just passively ignorant and stupid, he actually puts effort into these things.

I could used my drawing skills to add a body to your profile pic (probably a stick figure) and paste you into a pic of one of our horses with that day's newspaper. Foolproof! You were hundreds of miles away patting a pony.

Apologies to the lovely man that is Henry Rollins, but Hess looks like his double.

Great judges of character. One guy who was hosting a house party we wouldn't describe as a good person. Fenris, my mates husky found his way to that particular guy's room and did a big poo on his bed 😅

Nothing in the world works properly if Windows 11 is running any component involved. That's my view and I'm sticking to it.

Get him a vintage motorcycle and team him up with Neil Morrissey as a private detective agency. Just thinking Boon would be an easier Photoshop to fiddle the credits😃