and for my next trick, i will write 4 explicit lesson plans in one weekend! 🧙🪄 🎩 🐇

danica patrick, infamous formula one commentator and lizard person, on tv screen in an ad

trying to sit back and relax at the doctors office, when all of a sudden i hear this agitating, grating voice

Strega Nona and a cauldron of pasta

Plans on plans on plans.

mental health: 📉
locket app: 🔒
job: 🙅‍♀️
laptop: ⚠️
what a way to end a year ig

how can this day get worse bcs wdym i had a bad exam, terrible health news and now the ceo shooter is in custody!? 😭😭

they’re taking our jobs!!!
no, but in all seriousness, it becomes less funny when corporate acknowledges something.

Hey baby, I'm so cool I got ice water in my veins. Seriously call an ambulance i need help

bro is not even legally allowed into canada bcs he’s a felon

wore all green and we got ZHOints, is this a sign??

had turkey for the first time and the tryptophan did not hit the way my neuropsych professor described ://

every time i hear about her, it gets worse and worse

lewis hamilton is me at work right: dejected, rejected and trying to just make it to the end of this year

ik jenson button fell to his knees in joy when he realized he didn’t need to interview with lizard lady

M4X VERSTAPPEN, MY KING RAHHHHHH

I watched every season of Law & Order SVU and I took the LSAT.

I am prepared to lead the Department of Justice 🫡

What if I quit my job to focus on soup. Just making soup and eating it

ten minute break between classes but a fifteen minute walk across campus 🥲

an idea: we should rename buffalo in josh allen’s honor

don’t spend it all in one place, pal

omg, we are reading this in book club! the first few chapters feel so prophetic, it’s crazyyyy

nothing breaks the illusion of reading like when you see the word “mum” in a book thats supposed to take place in america

had a breakdown yesterday, so i guess that means I need to start using more social media😋