[at mass]

Me (chanting): schism schism

Other congregants: schism SCHISM

Priest (mouth full of wafers): SCHISM SCHISM SCHISM

Screenshot of a tweet that says “I’m not falling for that hot take. that’s clearly someone with a fetish for getting yelled at. I refuse to participate in that kind of perversion”

Me every time I see that bulwark article about student protests that everyone’s quoting:

gowron billboard above a he is risen sign

Isaac Chotiner: You say the two cats who live in your house are "Jerks" and you don't care for them
Me: Absolutely. They are the burdens of my life
Chotiner: It seems you spent an hour searching for special food for them and paid more for it than you do even for your own food.
Me: That's--Hold on,

“It looks like you’re trying to traverse the cosmos. Would you like help with that?”

Guy debating himself and his values by announcing his new podcast will include “jestermaxxing and politicsgooning with two high cortisol, low-T chuds”

I realize the grand project to create “Joe Rogan of the left” is too big to fail at this point, but maybe one reason so many people, especially younger left-leaning people, are opting out of electoral politics entirely is that the other side is running concentration camps and our side is doing…this

"What am i gonna do in a submarine?" -German defence minister

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Sale: baby shoes, never worn

"Come on, Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon."
"That's not how I remember it!"

Photo of a sign in Siem Reap, Cambodia, for Mr. Dad Coffee featuring a photo of (presumably) Mr. Dad

Please, Dad Coffee is my son. Call me

If the dreidel lands on M you move all your gelt to the center of the car

sexy teen soap set at starfleet academy? why not! they should make every type of show star trek. moody scandinavian police procedural star trek. half-hour family sitcom starring worf. vulcan columbo

"For more on why name-calling is an ineffective political strategy, we go now to the President of the United States, Donald Trump"

Love to receive my regular update on the State of the Economy

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works and let me know if you have any questions! 🤗

Once again begging people to say the second half of the “one bad apple” adage out loud

CHATGPT: I understand where you're coming from. You worked really hard to get here, and now it's time to enjoy the fruit of your labors.

ISILDUR: So I should keep it? Elrond says I shouldn't

CHATGPT: The ring is precious. Sometimes friends don't have your best interests at heart.

ISILDUR: true

Old @dril tweet that says “100% body fat, 49 year old, normal Male. good at turning purple while lifting boulders and dropping them in ex-wife's driveway. Army strong”

Catching up on Pete Hegseth’s speech

A little more radiation and the shrimp will actually start frying rice

I just know you could convince RFK Jr that the average human body is riddled with midichlorians

He’s gonna send the National Guard into the museum so they have to let him fuck the flag