our little brother is watching the same bad shit we did when we had unrestricted internet access as a kid. i hate that this is happening again. i wish we could properly stop it. i wish our parents were actually better
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we’re probably gonna read something else before continuing. need a bit of a break so we dont burn out again
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finished rereading part 1 of capital. we definitely understand it way better now
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this is just autism i think. hopefully
idk how to say this without sounding like i have an ED rn but i seriously hate eating sometimes. i hate needing to eat every few hours and feeling hungry because im not eating
i genuinely feel so worthless right now but hopefully i can just sleep it off
i feel dirty and disgusting and useless
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we keep doomscrolling it’s so annoying i hate it sm
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we also keep feeling super shitty when she takes a while to respond or she (reasonably) leaves us on read and it scares me. i wish we could just be normal about people that are nice to us. it’s so gross
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talking to our roommate has been making it harder to repress how alone we feel. she keeps talking about regular stuff every human does and it’s exciting because we know we’ll have that soon too but it also sucks because we havent had it all our life and still wont for a while
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i hate that every time i front now it’s because we feel bad
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i feel bad
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game of the year
😭 sorry
charlie kirk comes back from the dead as charlie kink and his biggest kink is being fucked in his neck hole
it’s so weird how all of our peers just wanna get through the day and yet we’re taking it so seriously. but then we get sad bc this is the best thing we’ve ever had and for them it’s normal. we were just at home all our life and barely interacted with others, we’re not “supposed to” like school
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it’s really weird how this whole time we truly believed that it was pretentious and messy and worded terribly when it was actually one of our best worded essays we’ve put out. we didnt even bother rereading it this whole time, we just assumed it was terrible bc we didnt get any validation for it
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teacher just gave us full points but didnt give even a small comment which made us feel bad but we just reread it and honestly we didnt even say anything crazy. it was actually well worded, our mind just wanted us to feel shitty since nobody replied to it bc it was long as shit. chill out sasha
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i’ll be better tomorrow
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we’ve been so sleepy lately
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honestly im just hoping my dad doesnt find out bc i know hes gonna make me switch. but i really do NOT want a cis guy as a roommate. unless hes gay maybe but idk that seems harder to find
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told our mom our roommate is a girl and she said she doesnt approve which is whatever but shes not stopping us so yeah it’s all good still
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i hate myself so much
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idk if it’s sadder that we’ve fantasized and daydreamed all our life and then believed we actually lived a life or the fact that we did it so much we believed that we never ever daydreamed or fantasized about things ever. idk maybe thats the same thing
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(but in a lowkey nonchalant way type shit)
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i feel worthless
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i dont know if this makes me an even worse person but i hope other people i know feel like this too. i dont want to be alone with this
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i feel dumb for saying all this. “oh yeah half the time i think im better than all of you but it’s okay because im self aware and kinda feel bad about it!” ?? okay man
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the fact that the only reason for not feeling superior that we give a shit abt is that it makes us feel farther away from ourself is so fucked up. how abt it’s just morally wrong sasha? how abt it’s fucking stupid? how abt it’s unhealthy? how abt literally anything not completely self-interested?
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ik *why* we either feel superior or like garbage but it doesnt make me feel any better. i wish we could just see other people regularly. most of the time we are consciously normal and stuff but ik subconsciously we feel pride for possessing what others lack. and it makes me feel like a bad person
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