selling a conjoined twin sized bed that's shaped like a ' Y '

the Lesser Antilles have definitely got some form of inferiority complex

Ghost Rider is the hottest leather daddy

particles don't intimidate me but some railroad genius says they should so who knows

everybody's connected when a bobsled is involved. don't trust the autopsy

they clapped when you were airlifted outta prison. they wept when you found a hidden dimension. dang ole duality of man, man

sea turtles actually love plastic six pack rings on account of the auto erotic asphyxiation. how you think the ocean got salty ??

they caught aliens smooching on the moon and they was just wearing 1 big shirt

my Wiping With Christ coloring book has been translated into more than zero languages. that dog got skinny ankles, that dog gonna stumble

every person on earth can trace their lineage back to an old wooden ladder

I want to freaky friday with a teenager so Seinfeld can take me to prom

sneaking a tiny cake inside a regular cake for my girlfriend in prison

ballot initiative to rename Wednesday to 2sday for double the taco deals per week

I'm making you a stretcher out of your own bones

girl is your daddy a small gas engine cause when I think about you I want two-stroke

CeeLo is the opposite of Hi-C

a nuke that gets goldfish pregnant instead of inspiring kaiju

leprechauns with tears in their eyes had to replace pots of dinty moore beef stew with pots of gold after the invention of electricity

before ben franklin invented electricity lightning was made out of beef stew

none-Chuck

James Van Der Beak dies in a bar before paying. The bartender yells for help and Van Der Beak's ghost rises from his body and says 'don't worry, put it on my bill'

I don't think he's such a bad guy, he has a really good heart. It's in great shape from all the murdering he does

I used to shoot BB's at the jerk neighbor buzzing around in an ultra-light but it turned out to just be a wheelchair guy and I have ground-level blindness

breakfast lunch meat for dinner was your mom's nickname in wizard school

getting snooch from a magic houseplant

please, Whopper is my father. I'm Whopper Jr

front wedgies on girls are called hedgies

moose knuckle sandwich

the unexplainable power of an old person with a shopping cart to block every aisle in the entire store

something wicked pissah this way comes