i hope you feel better soon, i am always just one text away if you need to talk about anything. take it easy for the rest of the night and i am immensely proud of you for sticking by self care + taking care of yourself as long as you have today. that is an accomplishment in of itself that you tried.

😼

i am about to knock this mf door down and drag you out myself could you not have Waited.

yo why is my mom taking her sweet ass time in the bathroom does she know i have to leave for placement in 30 mins.

went from smiling rlly fondly to throwing up girl bye

but damn it puts shit into perspective.

i also think it's a little silly that only leith and cin have checked in on me so far this month without me having to say something in advance and no one else has even bothered with like. a "hey how are you doing?" but immmm trying not to think about that bc i don't want to sound selfish.

Hold Me.

out first as much or messaging people outside of a select few, stopped spending time with their family including going to dinner every night to instead stay alone. like kasper i am looking You in the eyes rn and i know we feel like april is our bitch this year but i fear not.

girl who is barely eating a meal a day, sleeping all day but then staying up until 6/7am, taking numerous naps despite never napping any other month, has absolutely no motivation and puts off everything of importance for weeks, is not stressed about finals, has no social media presence, not reaching

on odd occasions i realize how much april is beating my ass despite me not actively feeling anything and this is one of those moments where i am now incredibly self aware of all the bad habits that have reared their head this month and how in absence of feeling there are still Signs.

to be like "hey can you not come to with issues this month" bc that's a Long Time and they might have no one else. but i hardly want to talk to anyone as is right now, let alone sit there and give you advice. girl i am stopping myself from dying every day this month, i Cannot do the same for you.

also not to get a little. personal. but i also lowkey think im entering mild empathy burnout bc so many people have been coming to me with their problems Already this month and like. normally i'm fine with that, i like being there for people i care about and helping them and maybe it's selfish

thumbs up.

pinches my nose. 7 more assignments to do, and 5 more classes .... by next friday i'm out of here 🫩

smokes a cigarette.! i have a final in 1.5 hrs and i literally could not care less. i spent this morning debating skipping it. it's joeover.

hi again world. sorry i haven't been active much, april is predictably beating my ass and i have 0 energy. finals week is Also beating my ass. and i fear ive now entered a stage where i could not care less about anything or anyone. #slay #fuckitweball #ihavetogetupbutihighkeydgaf

i hate nightmares.

i feel like, people like me because of the me i am on the surface and then they fall in love and realize i might as well be a psych ward escapee and i just Feel Bad because no one signs up for that. yk!! most of the time idgaf but other times i look at those ideal relationships and think. fuck.

i come in with a long line of exes and a history of trauma that would make a lesser man mad. and sometimes it might show, sometimes i might want to talk about it like im talking about the weather and sometimes it might screw my perception of other things and it just Sucks.

you to, in fact you may never meet my birth parents and anything you hear about them in passing will be cruel. my sister might try and sabotage our relationship, my brothers might hate you, you get to be here on christmas when everyone starts fighting and no one is happy and half of us aren't there

kicks on sometimes and i just feel ... bad? like i need so much from a partner and a future relationship and i have so much baggage that yes ive sorted through myself and i have a pretty good handle on but its still There. and that sucks. like i dont have a big loving family to introduce

my thought of the night is that sometimes i kind of feel bad for people that like me. like i Know that i'm hot and im fun to be around and i'm caring, i'm good at communicating, i'm supportive and gentle and selfless and loving in my own way. and 90% of the time that's enough. but that 10%

ten days ... ten games ... it's only d2 🥹

okay i'm glad you are experiencing joy

thank you pls hurry. apparently he's gonna be out for TEN DAYS.

WELL YES BUT HWYY

are expressing personal joy.

what are we expressing here.

now what in the world is this.