you don’t need to settle for less but sometimes i do.

Well, i wouldn’t say jesus died for you in particular.

One of my primary rules about dating is please don’t spill things on me.
my last gf spilled things all over me every day and i was miserable.

i got drunk and spent $206 to purchase two barrels of Brent crude oil.

Hello. i would like to purchase one of your mercury ingots please.

what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger smelling.

Hello.
I am writing to inform you that your national anthem has grossly exceeded the maximum permissible number of rhetorical questions.

Read. My. Lips.
no new praxis.

to be honest i don’t know what a lot of things mean.
i just want to keep cruising through life and not get shot i the neck with an arrow.

The ocean is like a weighted blanket but you never wake.

i was trying some new vests and the zipper got stuck. i couldn’t get it off. i was trapped in the mall for hours.
so i’m sorry i missed your picnic.

i don’t want to ruffle any feathers but i can’t stop throwing these chickens in the air.

anyone who’s been eaten by a shark can tell you just how annoying it can be.

hard to talk WWii with millennial when most of them have never watched Schindler’s Boot.

every time i go to new jersey i meet new guys eating relish in the forest.

No one in my family visits me because my rates are so high.

I always turn down wedding invitations because I know one of the bride or groom will eventually succumb to my lurid eyes, my suggestive remarks, my emails, and my poster campaign and it's not right.

oh yeah!

Are bugs killing me? i think bugs are attempting to take my life.

Well-timed urban garden guy? (5, 5)

[cryptic]

if you think im buying 200 lamb lolliops for 14 of my children, you are absolutely right.

If you need calcium, kissing is a very good gateway to teeth.

quite a few contacts scream that i am not atable emotionally but all of them aknowledge that i am shelf stable.

Can you make pizza pops in an air fryer? No one will give me a straight answer. It’s like being in Limbo.

I only eat food I can kill, such as bacteria.

A lot of feedback I get from job interviewers is that I am too erotic to work at the airport.

Sometimes getting parts of your body removed has unexpected costs, which are approximately $300.

Ozem pic is fine but I’ve always lost weight just by having my teeth extracted.

Sometimes when I’m down, I tell my kitchen staff just to broil everything.