... And, of course, claim victory.

Kash will be whiny.

RFK Jr. will (still) be unintelligible. (Maybe he has a raccoon wang stuck in his windpipe?)

Pete H. will stagger angrily into the scrum at his press conference and start clumsily swinging on reporters.

None of their meltdowns will be ugly. They will all be beautiful.

Yours is the only appropriate response.

Unless the person who uttered those words is within punching distance.

The amusing thing to me regarding the 'Trump as Jesus' post is the MAGA hardliners having to spread his ridiculous lie that he thought it showed him as a 'doctor.'

These are people who have spent their entire lives fetishizing images of white Jesus. They know what the fuck they're looking at.

“The reason why the Artemis mission has everyone so fascinated is because it is a showcase for the efforts of people who are very, very good at their jobs, at a time when the news cycle is dominated by people who are not merely terrible at their jobs, but awful human beings as well.”

I don't actually care if your decision not to vote for Kamala Harris would have changed the outcome of the election. I care that you were too much of a preening purist to care about putting the world through what it is going through today.

It really feels sometimes that maybe we've used up all our "Oh, it'll all turn out okay" cards.

That dude has to 'take a hard look' at a ten-piece puzzle.

It's amazing how cheaply the Supreme Court justices like Thomas and Alito allow themselves to be bought. Here's a new motor home! Here's a fishing trip off the Florida Keys!

Their bribes seem like expensive 'Price Is Right' showcases.

Wearing a tie with the First Amendment printed on it to 'own' the president. Wow. Brutal. How will he recover.

Of course actually exercising their First Amendment rights as journalists and accurately reporting on what he's doing? Too much! Scary! I might not be invited places!

Trump and his cronies are every lesson we refused to learn for 250 years.

That post projects nothing but weakness to Iran, while the terminally 8-year-old bullies who wrote it (and who it's really aimed at) think it makes them look 'tough.'

It's the little kid tagging along, crying, "Guys! Why won't you play with me? Why are you being so MEAN? Guys!!!"

The dude has a long and sad history when it comes to trying to grow facial hair.

"Or maybe not a vest, maybe something else - like a couch! Oh, man! Terrifying. One pump and kablooey! If it was two pumps I'd be safe, but one pump - that's pretty much my limit. Am I right guys?"

Defending Your Life | Priscilla Page Get more from Priscilla Page on Patreon

happy 35th birthday to one of the best rom-coms ever made: Albert Brooks's Defending Your Life

Yes, absolutely. I've worked with and around people with a lot of power and money, and it becomes very apparent, very quickly which ones have simply not heard the word 'no' in much too long.

HINT: They're always the ones most confidently pitching the worst, least workable ideas.

They're angels when they're sleeping.

Snoring, farting angels.

This is the week where people who've been telling you the Oscars don't matter sure seem mad about the Oscars.

JUDGE TO RFK Jr.: "Go punch a Twinkie, you incredible idiot."

Remember when people who used to present themselves as 'intellectuals' were at least a LITTLE intellectually curious?

Now it's "I thought a thing, it sounds good to me, my staff nodded, so it's insightful and true."

Also funny how these revelations all allow them to be worse, lazier people.

Lots of wins for WB... but I didn't hear anyone mention Zaslav in their speeches. I mean, even Ted Sarandos gets the occasional call out.

All these spineless twats clomping around the White House like toddlers wearing daddy's shoes...

Oh thank goodness - I thought Rufus T. Firefly had gone far right!

Tapper is the journalistic equivalent of the jizz moppers on Epstein's Island.

In other words, hacks like Jake Tapper will present him as having voted against the troops.

Ted should visit Texas sometime...

Especially when the president has called it a war.

Just as the crimes and cover-ups of this administration have made Watergate look small in comparison, the crimes and incompetence of this administration will make Iraq look like a skirmish.

TRANSLATION: This is making my polling even worse, and I want to make it look like I'm open to peace even though nothing could be more obviously bullshit.

Well, sure - the Pentagon doesn't have an open bar.