Have you ever said:
“Hey, check out this e-mail I just got from [toxic/abusive person]. How should I respond? Here’s my first draft.”
After my own abusive relationship and years as an attorney/investigator in the field of trauma and abuse, I compiled my advice.
open.substack.com/pub/melissaj...
When for so long, we’ve experienced confusion and harm, belittling and devaluing, it is hard to know what to do with loving, consistent care. Our bodies can unwittingly assume that unfamiliar means unsafe.
open.substack.com/pub/melissaj...
I learned that God values diversity, equity, and inclusion from the Bible.
I learned that good people value diversity, equity, and inclusion from Mr. Rogers.
I learned that I should value diversity, equity, and inclusion from my children.
And here I thought maybe after losing John Stamos, we gained Texas Matty, but alas 😂
a wild legal ride, out of which I made a friend who I got to witness step into courageous freedom at her deposition and then again today.
Meet my client and friend Alisa Womack, formerly Jane Doe in Hunt v. SBC.
In November 2023, three months after the painful loss of my 17yo son, my friend @bozlaw.bsky.social asked if I would consider working on a case with him.
I wasn’t sure I was ready.
I hate overspiritualizing things, but dang it if God didn’t have some grand plans.
The next 16 months would be
a wild legal ride, out of which I made a friend who I got to witness step into courageous freedom at her deposition and then again today.
Meet my client and friend Alisa Womack, formerly Jane Doe in Hunt v. SBC.
Trump’s tariffs, trade wars, aggression toward our closest neighbors are similar tactics to how abusers emotionally isolate their victims, esp from those they’d most likely turn to for help. Abusers push others away so victims become more and more dependent upon the abuser as the savior.
Some big news. A federal judge has rejected all of Johnny Hunt's claims from the Guidepost report
religionnews.com/2025/03/31/j...
A color photograph of the Washington Monument leaning on the National Museum of African-American History and Culture - which has recently been targeted by the fascist and narcissistic president as somehow perpetuating anti-American ideology when all it does is tell the unvarnished truth about slavery, segregation, and racism in the United States of America that has been left out of most of the history books in any comprehensive fashion.
One of the best metaphors I’ve ever photographed. #IYKYK
“I’m condemned to use the tools of my enemy to defeat them.”
- Luthen, “Andor”
- Also, Christian nationalists
Ordering Canadian oysters tonight.
Just because. 🦪
#OhCanada
their affinity for others may also skew their objectivity in evaluating other cases of abuse, including my own, or understanding the gravity of harm.
/end (fr this time)
If they can’t see that Trump is abusive, they are just as likely to be blinded to tactics of abuse used on me and my kids. If their affinity for Republicans and conservative ideals means they are blind to Trump’s tactics of abuse and narcissistic personality and the harm that it inflicts, then
+
they’re not seeing what I see and know (although they could and should intentionally inform themselves). But in all honesty, no one who embraces Trump remains in my safe inner circle, because they are not safe for me.
+
I would add that this sentiment holds true for my lack of a sense of safety in church or friend circles that continue to embrace Trump. This doesn’t come from a place of judgment, as I know that often people are only taking in information from a closed loop, and if that is right wing media,
+
If an advocate can’t see that Donald Trump is an abuser, I honestly question their ability to objectively identify abuse and not be blinded by what they want to believe about someone.
/end
due to our affinity for a group, what we want to believe, or what benefits us. Not doing so is how many of us were burned by a church or ministry who covered up our abuse in the first place.
+
I really struggle to navigate a survivor community that sometimes embraces an abuser as president.
As survivors and advocates, we need to be willing to question our allegiance to *anyone* and especially ask ourselves if we are suffering from blindness
+
Interpersonal abuse is significantly associated with suicidal ideation and attempts.
That’s the reality I personally knew to be true when people struggled to believe why Mica Miller, after filing for divorce from her abuser, would go on to commit suicide.
open.substack.com/pub/melissaj...
The backs of a pair of custom converse high tops show a pink stripe with the words, world class in it
I’ll own the world class label thank you very much Dave Ramsey 💁🏼♀️
#IYKYK
Police, judges, pastors, and every role in the systems that may encounter abuse need education on domestic and other types of abuse, their patterns and mental health impacts in order to better detect abuse, protect survivors, and serve justice.
melissajhogan.substack.com/p/abuse-trau...
The police stop of Petito and Laundrie in Moab is a classic example of the mental health impact of Laundrie’s abuse on Gabby and how police incorrectly interpreted it, resulting in their failure to protect her, and ultimately in her murder by Laundrie.
melissajhogan.substack.com/p/abuse-trau...
This week, I’ve been watching the Netflix documentary about the murder of Gabby Petito by her fiancé Brian Laundrie.
It informed this week’s substack about the intersection of mental health and abuse.
+
“Twitter also taught me a lot about Presbyterians, Episcopalians, and Church of Christ. It taught me that Southern Baptists were not Independent Fundamental Baptists, although many Southern Baptists can be quite independent and even more fundamentalist.”
open.substack.com/pub/melissaj...
What Trump is doing here is similar to the abusive silencing tactics I talk about on my substack. When someone in a position of power (here, pres + whole fed gov) leverages that power to try to pressure you to waive important rights.
DON’T DO IT.
- a lawyer familiar with abusive orgs and people
This is my love letter to any woman who realizes she is in a relationship with someone abusive — whether that’s domestic abuse against her/her children or sexual abuse against a child or an adult under their authority or spiritual abuse against their church.
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/u...
Thank you!
This is lovely! What a great gift! Can you share the book? It might make a great gift for a painter in my life.