If I were to guess what animal is Indigenous to Wales, I’d probably go with the llama.

What percentage of all the people who ever lived masturbated by candlelight?

Aero chocolate bars are a scam.

The ending of No Country for Old Men leads me to the following conclusion: Anton Chigurh is great with kids.

You can't just give away free Mazola on the sidewalk in front of your home.

You just can't.

My internal monologue often pauses for a moment or two to spit.

AC/DC never used the ride cymbal.

Pink Floyd never used the hi-hat.

FACT.

Getting older is all about knowing that your odds of shitting yourself while blowing your nose go up with every year that passes.

The other night I fell asleep while watching Delocated and instantly started dreaming that I was talking to Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

If they ever make a movie about Gary Bettman, there’s only one man who should play him: Gregg Turkington.

Michael Stipe is Darth Maul.

Yes, sir, he is.

It’s coming up on the 15th anniversary of my friend telling me that Carrot Top is a big fan of tit fucking.

Diarrhea.

That is all…

Just a friendly reminder that every American's security is now in the hands of someone named "Markwayne"...

The navigator who replaces Goose in Top Gun is a black dude named “Sundown.” That’s fucked up.

As an addendum to my previous post, is Top Gun the stupidest film ever made?

Does anyone believe that Top Gun era Tom Cruise could actually spike a volleyball?

Supertramp is my favourite klezmer band.

A strange man holds a hard boiled egg that looks like the Death Star in Star Wars.

Check out this hard boiled egg what looks like the Death Star!

Did I just see Questlove playing a fiddle?

FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, CAN SOMEONE OUT THERE PLEASE CONFIRM WHETHER OR NOT STONED IS STILL THE WAY OF THE WALK?!?!?!?

The best part about the pandemic is that it taught me how to turn on every type of faucet with my elbows.

I'm currently writing a porn film about a 62 year old general contractor who has sex with his wealthy female clients. I haven't settled on a title yet, but I'm leaning towards "This Old Hose."

Rob Schneider was born with a divorce certificate in his hands.

Squirrels die every day.

Think on that for a while.

Close your eyes when Steve-O’s talking and try to tell me it’s not Harvey Fierstein.

Canada's greatest contribution to the world isn't insulin or alkaline batteries or the Java programming language. It's turning the word "beauty" into an adjective.

“I only care about two things: anti-Semitism and square dancing. Looks like we’re all out of hay bails.”

- Henry Ford (1933)

It's funny that one of the most famous punk/goth/metal guys in the world is named Glenn.