My wife had two cats, so now I have three. (And also a wife!!!!)

Hot off the cat presses:

“We have Teddy Roosevelt at home”:

Cold take: snowball fights and snowman-making should be Olympic events

RFK Jr. never skips “leg day.”

That’s when he walks along the highway looking for severed limbs of roadkill.

some jokes from our Halloween episode about a trial to see who the real Santa is

“This halftime show sucked!”
-Macbeth

“This halftime show sucked!”
-Macbeth

Musk relates to Odysseus because one time he was also stuck on an island and desperately trying to get off.

He’s going to make Jon Voight give him his.

Trump’s Reichstag fire will be Reichstag ICE

Does he realize he’s steering the iceberg?

“Hyuck-tuah!”

Karoline Leavitt will claim it’s stigmata

He’s struggle with “struggle”

He used to be able to molest five, six flags in a day

It’s going to be so fucking funny when he tries to pronounce this

“Look: Rome wasn’t burned in a day.”

Guy just doesn’t have the stamina any more

Artist’s depiction:

New meaning to the term “strip steak”

Even weirder, after he blew out the candles a stripper burst out of a standing rib roast.

He also thinks he’s Nietzsche because someone once gave him syphilis

Grifters are gonna start selling Trump Hole Milk

Unarmed woman executed by state may have been on committee to fight against unarmed women being executed by the state

one of the weirdest things about the current moment is how the national media have to pretend like they don't know what this is about. official government social media accounts are posting about racially cleansing America and they have to pretend like it's not clear who the bad guy is.

But we're going to have a beautiful police state and it'll be very brutal. And you'll be free, perhaps more free than ever before

Clearly he’s invading Venezuela to distract everyone from Musk’s AI’s shocking revelation:

Incidentally, “never gonna give you up” is also Trump’s official stance on the Epstein files

Honestly surprised Trump’s DOJ didn’t link to this instead of the Epstein files: