Looking forward to the future quiz: "Pope Leo speech or Rage Against the Machine lyric?"

Greatest. Correction. Ever.

the bones of my enemies broke my juicer

Add food to a movie title

Venom: Let There Be Cabbage

Add food to a movie title

I'm Still Schmear

Add food to a movie title

Throw Lentils From The Train

Add food to a movie title

Hummus Tub Time Machine

Add food to a movie title

The Silence of the Lamb Chops

Fuck you math! A does not = 2.

Math is 𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴, okay? 𝘓𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 are for words. Hands off my letters, mathematicians. They are for writers. You literally have infinity numbers, leave our letters out of your black magic.

One skully consoles another while holding an umbrella to shield her from the rain

☔

#Art by Junaid Mortimer

On night 6, my son sneaked in a couple of bean burritos from Taco Bell. The Bell's most anodyne menu item worked like a charm.

Take THAT, Big Medicine! Yo Quiero!

12 days in the hospital. Went 7 days without pooping, a topic of concern & conversation among the staff, who tried suppositories, enemas & witchcraft to induce. This was a very unpleasant situation for all. cont/

Dear delivery drivers. Stop texting me that "I'm here" when really you're about 2 minutes from actually being "here."

In Lanai I saw chickens just running around outside a KFC.

Why don't I know my own age?

Examine door

i hope this email doesn't find you. i hope email never finds you again and you are free

She asked if I was OK. I have meds again, and I can feel them working, so I'm better. But I wanted to walk around the counter and give her a big hug.

She didn't have to ask. She opened herself to carry a stranger's burden. Little pieces of humanity are all I need. Can we string some together?

Went to the little store near home last night. I was staring blankly at the cigarettes, and the cashier asked if I wanted smokes. I said no, but in very quick succession I described what it's like to walk around as a ghost. No job, no connection. I tried not to cry as I left. I went back tonight. 1/

Reggie? Reggie? Reggie? Tracy Morgan and Daniel Radcliffe team up for 'The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins,' Jason Bateman and David Harbour clash in HBO's 'DTF St. Louis,' previewing upcoming stories, and more

In today's free What's Alan Watching? newsletter, thoughts on The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins, HBO's new DTF St. Louis, plus The Pitt, Scrubs, and more. Read! Subscribe! Share! Remember that Hooch is still crazy!

All my robots run on diesel. They are a real smoke show.

Can I be one? I'm not an asshole but I am hungry

I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work & perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

The kind of month this has been... for a second I was like, "not him too!"

Photoshop of Corey Lewandoski lying in a bed on an airplane with a suitcase on the foreground

Kristi Noem Fires Coast Guard Pilot After He Forgets To Transfer Corey Lewandowski To Another Plane

I didn't see the note where someone has to do it in this order.

a man in a suit is walking up a set of stairs that say lift a lo on them Alt: Donald Trump with toilet paper on his shoes as he ascends majestically onto Air Force One after a dissatisfying two.

BOLD STATEMENT:

No highlight package should include the ref walking to center court to tip the ball. I have one exception: