excited to announce i've been raised $2m in seed funding from a host of mysterious benefactors to develop the antichrist telephone, a telephone that lets you talk to the antichrist

Both of the gardens and the First Lady's office💔

Almost every major news story this week is about how the entire economy is now gambling, scams, bribes and theft.

Both of the gardens and the First Lady's office💔

PITCH FOR ONION HEADLINE:

Echo Chamber Fucking Awesome

Not cringe by reason of insanity.

What if the waterfalls are chasing YOU?

WHAT THEN??

Siri why do I bother

I'm rejecting modernity and embracing tradition by having my mental health crisis declared a case of demonic possession

you'd be amazed about how quickly i get tired of my own bullshit

That's how all my mornings go, but I'm always the one having a meltdown.

Oops I accidentally believed history was a straight line and not a pendulum

It's that time of the night where I start spiraling and googling different countries to flee to.

Response to Russell Brand, who claimed “I believe in the Holy Spirit” Jen: “I believe in not raping.”

👀

I feel like videogames actually do provide a pretty accurate representation of real life right now because a lot of videogames are like “THE WORLD IS ENDING” and then you just collect herbs and pretend nothing is wrong

People who say "I hate to say I told you so" are lying their asses off, because that shit feels so fucking good, and we're about to gorge ourselves on 4 years worth.