brak mirror

ratatouille more like rad-guy-two-y

(two rad guys)

hmmmmmmm

post bakes

is this true?

truly some of the best moments in life

foundational bias, i’m calling shenanigans

honestly those are incredible savings i think you need to go for it

merdonna

it’s like madonna but sea person

if this latest pitch gets accepted i’ll be invincible

one time i heard that your top high school crush liked you back. not anymore, though. it’s unfortunate, but they told me they moved on. bad break, buddy.

gordie, no!!!

okay now i’m wondering if this platform is scarce enough to find out what the worst TV show ever is

all the peonies died

open up the fridge to get a pickle but inside the pickle jar? ghost #spooky

if i found a genie in a lamp my first wish would be to shave all the weird NBA facial hair

the key to delicious popcorn may seem theoretical at first, but ah! there it is! our good friend, “salt”

imagine being eli manning, that’s gotta be weird right

putting my 2019 Toyota Rav4 into “Rock and Gravel” mode as i drive it off a southwest cliff

flanders, no!

The Importance of Being Burnished Living life to the middest, professionally.

terrible news i’ve written another newsletter. this one’s about the horror of middling success and how it comes for us all

goodones.substack.com/p/the-importance-of-bein...

joey i’m not angry anymore

lol 2.5mg is my “i would like to giggle before bedtime,” 5mg is my “thank god there’s ice cream somewhere” before i pass out on the couch

a lot of men lift weights because of some underlying masculine urge to fight their own father. not me. my dad’s weak. small. he’s 75 years old and i could crush him at any time.

but also

my life is nothing like i thought it would be and everything i was worried it would become because for 50 seconds i thought there were monsters on the world

michael anthony severely underrated

i don’t know how to work the body

“i’m gonna be looking for you on the computer”

“you gotta help me out… i went? to take a shit? and like the toilet paper was gone? so, yeah, i uh, i reached out for what was in front of me…. and i think i wiped my ass with a detailed plan of how to invade Iran? i think it was classified!!”