enrolling us now

i’m so glad that somebody else figured out how to build bridges because tbh i’d have no clue how to do that

Wait come up here we’re going to spelling bee but we’ll go to dive75 for a pre show bevvie

Moulin Rouge is……a show!

my boyfriend decided that a nice way to observe Easter would be to watch a bible stories cartoon he found on Amazon Prime. here are some shots of how the main character, a robot, responded to the crucifixion.

It’s kinda throwing me off that you aren’t your cartoon profile picture

this is an endorsement of the DanielPatrick Lifestyle

not to be dramatic but i just found out that i can’t order a notebook from Japan because of the tariffs Trump is ruining my lifeeeeeee

ETHNICALLY ambiguous? oh no sorry I’m ETHICALLY ambiguous. it’s not clear if i’m a good person or not.

i don’t think they need a BFA but it’s insane how terrible some of these podcast hosts are at their ad reads!!! i *know* that hidden valley ranch didn’t put a comma there, girl!

Sorry, uhh, *legal* analysis is "I have no idea what Alito is talkign about but it's probably evil in some way I haven't thought of yet."

I don't respect megachurches. the greed and corruption are issues but even worse they don't have anything like a massive emerald in a vault with esoteric wisdom etched into it, no bones encased in jewels and gold, no scroll containing the true face of the devil, things of this nature

beautiful day to watch Italian tourists not know how to ride bikes through Central Park <3

75° at 7 pm and half of our block is just people drinking wine on their stoops. girls? we made it 🥹

Kristi Noem's husband while she was out back shooting their dog

bernadette peters she used to be mine cover

just had to “you can’t talk like that white baby” my boyfriend

my gay-ass boyfriend is crying while we watch Matilda the musical

“Let people get off the train” only applies to people who are ready to get off at their stop. If you’re not in the first wave out of the door then you can choke.

I’d like to introduce gay guys to the idea of a “buffer story” which gives your instagram audience a moment between going from a picture of you with your niece or nephew to a close friends nude. Consider an infographic or a picture of a sandwich you recently had for lunch.

“last Saturday… he led a small protest outside New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s home, during which he accused Muslims of being ‘pedophiles.’”

you mean to tell me that EVERYONE was calling it Ragtime? like, every *single* person??

fuck you guys seriously

being in a cab on the east side is so funny because every five seconds it’s like “oh there’s a chipotle here”

I cherish every last one of them

I mean phone calls!

People who’re “on the phone” while on the train are faking it, right? There’s no way they have service when we’re fully between stations for 2 minutes.

they’re saying it’s the most whimsical hair swoop that Penn station has ever seen this early on a Monday

asking for a sample at an ice cream shop shows a weakness of character. begging people to stand in their truth and ORDER.

Smart House (1999) was a warning