My opening script for tonight.
@jimmykimmel.com, @jimmyfallon.bsky.social
'Hi, I’m _______. What we’ve seen over the last 24 hours weren’t funny. They were horrible for all of us. I am grateful that cooler heads prevailed. For that we thank them. Now let’s move on to our guests tonight!!!”
This is good
@mattlanza.bsky.social Quick preview for Texas weather in the next few days: It's going to be cold.
David Hammond passed away Sunday at the age of 81. In lieu of flowers, his family requests that mourners place a three-team parlay on the Lions, Colts, and Titans to cover, as it’s essentially free money.
The Pedant: Self-Help can piss off! The problem? It's everywhere.
viewfromamerica.substack.com/p/the-pedant...
I don't gamble on sports, ever. However, I do buy a lottery ticket sometimes.
The thing I'm buying when I buy a lotto ticket is less the infinitesimal chance of winning as much as the opportunity to dream of what I'd do with the money.
Honestly, I feel the same about Nebraska or Vanderbilt being No.1 seeds
Reasons (or not) to watch the College Football National Championship
www.secfootballblog.net/2026/01/good...
Mall Announcement in Portuguese:
"Would the owner of the white sedan by the statue please return to your vehicl-- WOULD THE OWNER OF THE WHITE SEDA-- Okay, never mind."
Y’all wanna hear the band play Neck in Montana?
@edsbs.bsky.social @jasonkirk.fyi
Why character?? He was one of the best hitters who ever lived, if not THE best. Was he an asshole? Sure.
But you're paid to hit the ball. And he was good at it.
I know some great, very moderate Salvos. You met a very conservative group. Don't put them all into the same bucket.
Does this cycle never bloody stop??!
the excitement and atmosphere. i was just pegged with a tortilla.
happy for my red raiders
HE OVERTHREW HIS TIGHT END WHO WAS IN ACRES.
GAME ON IN THE #MACCHAMPIONSHIP AGAIN!!
The atmosphere in the MAC Championship Game, er, sucks
There will be a lot of booze being drunk and meth being inhaled in Lubbock tonight.
Dude needs to absolutely lay off the weed
Amid mass speculation of me getting hired, I have taken myself out of the running as head coach of Penn State.
I don't care. I want to go and see my family for Thanksgiving, and I'm flying from the UK.
I don't like Louis CK, but this is still one of the funnier speeches I've ever heard. It's about being offended.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLGz...
For those of you who like free swimming, I give you Hereford in the UK. It's pissing it down with rain and doesn't look like stopping anytime soon.
Thankfully we're on the edge of a hill so it would have to be biblical to get to us, but sweet Lord it's crazy.
