The fact that Sinners didn’t have a dreamy “Steve’s Lava Chicken” music sequence is proof that capitalism’s grip on Hollywood still has some daylight between the fingers…

Sinners was like “What if Pixar was to Pokémon-evolve into live action thrillers?”

This is all just an April fools day prank designed to make us liberal peaceniks reconsider our new lord and savior, the second amendment.

Is capitalism starting to get extra creepy? Why are so many companies thirsting to buy my house for cash? My house is a piece of sh*t! Its ONE upside is that I don’t have to hit up Jimbo Knibb for couch-crashing. WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP?

Get F*cked.

I’m no longer “googling” anything, no longer using google as a verb. From now on, I am “asking Jeeves” about it. Use it or lose it, jerks. It’s 1996 somewhere. Happy MySpacing!

Hi!

Here is a quick reminder that I am still Kevin Ketner, comic book editor for just about a decade, having worked on several Eisner-nominated projects, and I am currently without a job!

I am looking for freelance and/or full-time editing work. I promise I'm cool!

The fact that it’s impossible to imagine Mr. Rogers f*cking is precisely why liberalism will never win over fascism. This update is brought to you by Cigarettes™

Brian at work just described Mike at work as “reverse frat”. Which I have to assume simply means that when you get really sober around him he tries to write “forehead” on your peener.

I don’t have time to elaborate but the most important sentence in 1984 is “Only by reconciling contradictions can power be retained indefinitely.” Have a great day! 😃

#inauguration #trump #elon #project2025

[Takes exactly one (1) marijuana:] “Mulholland Drive is just Eyes Wide Shut for Saint Vincent fans who prefer “Los Ageless” as the best track on Masseduction over “New York.” …and vice versa.” 🌇 🌃 🍁😴

Who made this..?? 😂

In a Simpsons-esque motion, the swirling cloud of burning asbestos hovering over Hollywood will be traveling in one singular blob directly to the Sioux Tribe at Standing Rock North Dakota, permanently. 🚬

“Are Rolexes over? Meet the new class of status watches!” is the kind of news headline that makes Zark Muckerberg’s lizard tongue thwap over his unblinking left eyeball with the kind of squeegee sound that used to make the Winklevoss twins dry-heave during a deposition hearing. 🚬

Unauthorized drones gumming up L.A.’s aerial firefighting efforts is somewhere between “pacific trash continent” and “space debris” in the penultimate season of Man vs. Nature. 🚬

I’m only eating soup for the rest of the month. January can go eff itself. 🚬

My favorite brand of hard candy is Werther’s Deep Fake.

My favorite verse in #GarthBrooks “Friends in Low Places” is when the background singers yell “Oh well-uh well-uh well-uh HUH! Tell me more, tell me more, like do they have a job..!?”

The line between “I’m lucky to have this job,” and “they’re lucky I showed up today” is never more razor thin than in mid #January.

My new year’s resolution is to drown my election disappointment by experiencing everything ever mentioned in the Stefon nightclubs. (HMU if you know any sherpas in Philly.)

A serene calm washes over my brain as #WWE introduces State Farm, Cricket Mobile, and Snickers to streaming giant Netflix, just as the creator intended. [THX sound]

Tripple H’s #WWERAW intro on Netflix was three seconds away from saying, “It’s still real to me, dammit..!”

Nikki Glaser was a great #GoldenGlobes host, but you can tell the producers’ lawyers made her sign the “Ricky Gervais” clause in triplicate.

Thanks Pam..! Happy 2025. ✌️

Def Leppard is nominated for a Gunter Glieben Glauchen Globe for Most Sugar Poured On Me