“I know you kick a man in the balls, but where the heck do you kick a woman?” The 9-year-old has some self-defense questions.

I don’t feel old, but then why did I just read a whole Costco Connection article about sheds?

Walked through a web a spider had spun between the car and a bush and didn’t think anything of it til I was driving and felt something on my neck.

Waiting for my car at the dealership, I watched a salesman tread a fine line as a potential customer asked him how old he thought she was. After a long pause he says “36, respectfully.” She had to be at least 50. He sealed the deal. They will teach this move in business school for generations.

Like a lemming drawn inexorably to the sea cliffs, I find myself in Sephora the day before Coachella buying sparkly eyeliner.

HELP NEEDED. Imagine, you are a middle-aged woman taking a teen to Coachella. What do you wear so you're comfortable but don't look like Ms. Havisham haunting the festival grounds? Write your little joke and then delete it and give me some actual advice, dammit.

I was at the grocery store this morning at 8am, along with 75% of local husbands and boyfriends.

It's a small thing, but every year I light a virtual candle for a young woman named Lea Zylberg, who was murdered at age 23. May her memory be for a blessing.

Today is International Holocaust Remembrance Day, chosen to mark the day Auschwitz was liberated in 1945. If you're so moved, you can go to www.illuminatethepast.org and light a candle for one of the victims.

Checking out at the grocery store, the woman in front of me looked at my items and snarkily commented, "Huh, that's a LOT of crackers" as she paid for her boxed wine at 9am. I love LA.

My message to Hollywood in 2025:

Out on a crisp early morning dog walk, it was only after I tightly tied the poop bag that I realized I had knotted my sweatshirt strings into the plastic handle. Happy new year.

The car stopped in the middle of the street. It was silent for a moment, til a little voice solemnly said, "Shit." Best Xmas ever. Merry merry to all who celebrate.

Out with the dog at 8:30am, I discovered a 5-year-old in a tiny Lamborghini, right out from under the tree. His dad followed, filming, as the kid took his first drive around the block, until, a few minutes in, the battery died.

The 12-year-old and I were waiting to check out at Joann and he looked at a display of Christmas stockings and asked, “Why are they trying to sell us big socks?” No idea what they were.

I am a television professional, I think to myself as I scratch an itch on my back with a plastic Starbucks fork.

One month later, the 9-year-old’s Halloween graffiti lives on

We were going out to dinner and I told the 12-year-old to bring a sweater in case it got cold and he looked at me like I’m a complete idiot and asked, “What’s a sweater?” And he was serious.

Brought a roll home in my nice purse. I’ve gone full Golden Girls.

I came to the middle school history fair to learn about different cultures and now I’m working a booth about ancient China, arguing with children over how much a half cup of green tea is worth.

I am so sorry
my dog shit in your driveway
It is where he chose

Storm Watch 2024 postmortem: These LA tweens have not been taught proper umbrella etiquette.