Hello I am CEO of EvilCo, a branch of Umbrella Corp, and no we’re not the Umbrella Corp from the games we were just inspired by them, you’re not gonna to believe this but we have just released a company memo that says we’re not good human beings

I've live through two non-voluntary area code changes on land lines and my mom's first cell phone number (which of course she still has decades later) was a different area code than our home number, so I've been dialing area codes on basically every call since the late 90s.

Air to Ground Message:

IT WAS MY UNDERSTANDING THERE WOULD BE NO MATH INVOLVED WITH THIS FLIGHT

Area: Jersey Shore, NJ, USA
Type: Airbus A319
A: #a4c98a70899
F: #ffbcedcde38

#acars #vdlm2

Key Sticking points in US-Iranian Negotiations:
-Admitting the other exists
-Object permanence
-Linear time

if the only way to get scumbags out of office is to trade expulsions one for one, well, there’s no shortage of scumbags to trade

We took a near-perfect food (burrito) that contains whatever you want, and which you you can pick it up and eat with your hands and then we put the least interesting tomato sauce you have ever tasted on top so you have to use a fork and knife. And you never said thank you.

Me, at the grocery store, seeing a stranger struggle to operate a malfunctioning single-use flatware dispenser, struggling myself to not make a comment about how it has no more forks to give.

Everyone knows that the 5th Hot Sauce is love.

Ok I'm bored and want to procrastinate work so let's do a thread instead. Wanna hear a story?

Alright then, story it is. So gather around, children, because now we're going to talk about the most important science book you've probably never heard of.

Ready? Off we go, then.

But ok if you insist on a Path to Redemption, here: you must join the French Foreign Legion for no less than 25 years. No comedy or contact outside the legion ‘til you’re done! Then you may resume life as an entertainer, but only as a humble but mostly-despised street mime.

That’s the Path.

Harvey and John from Farscape in bunny suits, holding a basket.

Good news everyone! It's easter, so it's time to post THE PICTURE

Happy frelling easter, friends

Rowling: thiss time, harry potter will finally rule them all!
Rowling: nothing will ssteal hiss thunder thiss time!
Barker: hey did you hear there's a new animorphs series
Rowling: what
KA Applegate: IT'S ANIMORPHIN' TIME!

A screenshot of a transcript, read from bottom to top... 03:40:20Z (0:11): "Hi, Copy. Would you authorize one use of the toilet?" 03:40:30Z (0:05): "Checking." 03:42:15Z (0:19): "Integrity Houston, breaking news. We have results on the discussions down here for the tank venting and at this time you are go for all types of uses of the toilet." 03:42:35Z (0:08): "And the crew rejoices. Thank you."

BREAKING: Artemis II toilet update (transcript is in reverse chronological order)

Beauty.

I can also be kind of an asshole. (“Kind of” = in the 70 percent–80 percent range.) I didn’t know what to say but I didn’t have time to do a search for relevant apology examples. (And it’s not like I ever find any relevant examples that I actually want to use.)

NASA employee: oh hey you guys are back early.
Astronaut: *grabs plunger, gets back on rocketship*

Technically without the ring it's just sparkling over-stretched sphincter.

I replaced some fluorescent tubes with LEDs like 5 years ago and I still haven't figured out how to legally dispose of the old bulbs, they're just sitting precariously on a high shelf in the garage. The county site that accepts them is kinda far and only open at random/inconvenient times.

Really neat packaging to get everything in there, but I've worked on the Volvo I5 in a similar engine bay and would not be at all excited to do maintenance on the 6.

Chicken tikka masala burrito was one of the first things I got back at the beginning of the SF fusion food truck era, like maybe 2011. I don't want to ponder how many I ate in the following years.

In my book Ex Supra I showed the US running out of ammo, specifically JASSMs, as a cautionary tale.

DOD: At long last, we’ve run out of JASSMs.

Called it. Absolute catastrophe for US aluminum consumers. Including autos.

🔌💡🚗

bsky.app/profile/fint...

I would also accept "fell, definitely not pushed" from a helicopter.

One suggestion: IIowa, pronounced two-oh-uh.

ink drawing of a skeleton lying in bed holding a smoking cigarette, wearing glasses and a jaunty Tyrolean hat

Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

They also got higher floors and lower angled windshields and hatches which means way less usable interior space for the typical 2 row CUV. They're really more like inflated hatchbacks than wagons.

Giant phallus-shaped iceberg floating in Conception Bay surprises residents of Dildo, Canada

A new contender for best headline

Diagram of a bumblebee, the bum is the bum, the rest is the blebee.

A handy guide to the anatomy of springtime garden friends.