Try this. Walk up close to any Gen Xer and whisper "I got the Mott's".

You MAY get pepper sprayed and probably kicked in the junk but WORTH IT!!

Follow me for more tips.

You can literally stick "San Dimas High School Football Rules!" after every utterance out of Pete Hegseth's whiskey-pickled piehole.

Amen.

#annualblasphemy

#annualblasphemy

THIS JUST IN: Artemis Astronauts may not be allowed back to Earth if they have certain memes on their phones.

Welp, it finally happened.

Something I saw in AARP magazine made me horny.

I don't say "Bastard" any more. This bit of my lexicon has fallen off. I think I need to fold that particular surly, salty sentence enhancer back in to my vulgarity playbook.

The answer is no. No cabbage is not a suitable wrap replacement for lettuce. Sturdy. Yes. And it tastes like it. We funna have to slaw this shit up.

Wait! "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim... "If you walk without rhythm, it won't attract the worm."

Is this song about DUNE?!

AND Walken plays the Emperor in DUNE and is in the music video.

It's all connected!!!

i consider "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" to be one of the sacred texts

This is a cautionary tale. When I was in my 20s I knew a guy named Keith Bempo. He got involved with a cult. Isolated. Brainwashed. Disappeared.

Unfortunately he was a complete prick and nobody tried to save him.

The lesson? Don't be a prick or people won't save you from a cult.

True

Hey, Movies, it's me, Eric. We have spent a long time together, you and me. Can I be honest with you? The Wilhelm Scream... stop. Please. It's played out and we all know about it. It just takes me out of the movie now. Stop. Okay, Sport?

Been enjoying @altonbrown.bsky.social 's new YouTube show. He's giving off a lot of "Get off my lawn, I'm fucking my wife!" energy these days.

Does anyone else think tonight's planetary alignment is really the rest of the solar system staging an intervention for us?

Homunculus Nards on Instagram: "She knows what she wants! #reelitfeelit #reelvideo #reelinstagram" 0 likes, 0 comments - homunculusnards on February 28, 2026: "She knows what she wants! #reelitfeelit #reelvideo #reelinstagram".

Happy Saturday

www.instagram.com/reel/DVTh-RB...

Seeing that he is a "liar liar", maybe the pants shitting is a fire suppression system.

"Bwahaha," laughed Zorg. "I have mastered quantum entanglement and created a worm hole between our buttholes! I will be pooping your pants for the rest of your days!!"

Grent Powerhack dropped to his knees. "Nooooo," he screamed as Dark Lord Zorg unleashed another load into his space pants.

Monster Magnet - Negasonic Teenage Warhead YouTube video by MonsterMagnetVEVO

Tonight's musical obsession. youtube.com/watch?v=aKj5...

BLACK COFFEE AND ICE WATER is available for download NOW on Audible! A fresh hour of brand-new comedy. One of the loosest, rawest albums I’ve ever done and I am beyond proud of it!

I couldn't agree more. She was amazing. AFTER HOURS will always be a favorite. She was so psychotic in that. Just fantastic.

As a 54 year old man I was so happy last night when I didn't have to wake up to pee!!!

Oh! Completely unrelated question. Does anyone have a mattress for sale?

When I die I want ALL of you to flood social media with A.I. slop "paintings" of me hugging various famous atheists (George Carlin, Christopher Hitchens, Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawking, Stephen Fry (dead or not) ) as they happily welcome me to Heaven.

I get such a thrill when the Instapot hot dogs split and start looking like the Sandworms from Lynch's DUNE.

How do you sleep with jazz playing? Like a baby. A cigarette-smoking, chin-beard beatnik baby.

Some mornings I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, choosing a coping mechanism for the day like I am down in a wine cellar choosing something for dinner.

"Mmmm... Inappropriate Jokes circa 1992. That was a good year."

@billcorbett.bsky.social
I may have found your evil corporate training shadow self.

Thank you!!

Sadly I became an atheist before achieving my ultimate goal; sliding into the confessional and exclaiming "Damn!!! Who beefed?"