I’m so, so sorry. I loved seeing pictures of her. You were a hell of a good family, and I don’t think she could have asked for better.

When plucking my chin hairs I like to leave a few behind so that the woodland creatures who live within can continue to thrive

Dude I’ve started learning how to teach agility! It’s so fun.

So now we gotta doxx them all so I can get their addresses and go door to door punchin’

The video for this one still gives me nightmares in the most wonderful way

Sober me: Ugh, I’m going to have to cut down on unnecessary stuff, shop more at Grocery Outlet, might have to raise my prices…

Stoned me: HEY LOOK WHAT I NEED

You deserve so much better, people of Iran.

Iran is America’s Etch-a-sketch. We keep on shaking it until the picture’s obliterated and then drawing new shitty looking lines.

“Momma’s got to unwind from her day, son” I say to the cat

I am sitting here melting into the couch and listening to “The Air That I Breathe” by The Hollies. You know what? There’s that.

Yeah I don’t wanna have to give him a high four afterward

Thankya. I had my old friend Stabby the Utility Knife at the ready, juuuuuust in case

But having my old dog with me would have been better.

Well at least this time a rando didn’t come out of nowhere and offer to help in return for sexual favors…

Changing a tire as a woman is like running a freakin’ gauntlet.

Mine too! Let’s start a band

I often used to sing “stop draggin’ your butt around” to the tune of Stevie Nicks’ “Stop Dragging My Heart Around” to my dogs

Mary's Angels Dog Training Schedule your appointment online Mary's Angels Dog Training

I’m one week, I’ll be teaching my adaptation of a positive reinforcement rattlesnake avoidance class for dogs. I am over the moon excited. Here’s a link! It’s under “long form classes”. app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule/5c2...

Ten. Always a ten.

We should be able to throw him in a dumpster when it gets this low.

…or a wood chipper.

I came into my room after 5 days away and started talking. 10 minutes later, this guy is out, telling me how glad he is that I’m back and that he has never had a meal in his life

(Cat yowls at me)

Me: QUIET, he’s making footie hills

Bob Ross: Well let’s just imagine a little footie hill right here…

Me: (high) FOOTIE HILL! you scamp!

I guess I’m good at “Big Balls” At karaoke.

I don’t know how to feel about that.

This has been a delight

Tell us your favorite ...

tree: redwood
flower: California poppy
season: autumn
tea: genmai cha
coffee: any. ANY.
time of day: late afternoon maybe? I dunno.
genre: dark comedy and sci fi
dessert: churros

He’s the one Splinter kept in the basement when guests came over.

I met this western pond turtle yesterday and I asked him to yell “COWABUNGA” for me but he flipped me off instead

My cat doesn’t give a damn about “Cat TV” but as soon as I put Beavis and Butthead on he’s all about it.

I feel like they need a little longer to really start super-blooming. But the start is there and all the other wildflowers complement the little swaths of orange!

The high desert and the coast are both happy places for me. Here’s on the way to Lancaster

The best thing about Morro Bay? SEA OTTERS