@anissasiobhan.bsky.social screaming at her knitting videos “GODDAMNIT THIS IS SOME VOODOO BULLSHIT”

I was not born to capitalism, I was born to do tricks and be rewarded with treats

Heading to bed and remembering your sheets are still in the wash is a top ten bad feeling

Every night, when I set my alarms for the next morning, I’m what you would call an “optimist”. I’d love to be one of those people who wakes up at 5 am. Unfortunately, yes, I WILL snooze for two hours if you let me.

You’re not jinxing yourself, because God isn’t real.

When I cancel plans because all of my clothes feel too weird against my skin

Just fucking bleak

If monopoly was invented today the tokens would be like a labubu, a nice pair of crocs, a cybertruck, 150mg of Wellbutrin, a Stanley cup, and a mini goldendoodle, and the players would just go around the board paying rent until everybody loses

Overstimulated and undersupervised: a memoir

Just had a rare moment of joy upon discovering I have a coworker who is smart

Being emotionally burnt out from the shit your parents did to you does NOT make you a bad person.

me: I have a lot of books, I should go through them
my sister: jen you should just turn your basement into a library instead

She’s a 10 but mostly on therapist intake questionnaires

You’d think all the people obsessed with conspiracy theories would be all over the actual conspiracies happening left and right and yet

Paperback books are like velveteen rabbits — ours to be loved and squeezed and read and stuffed into shoulder bags and left in the sun and read and read again until there's nothing left but memories from something real

grape nerds clusters would heal america, maybe the world

nerds gummy clusters might be the best candy of the last 25 years.

So broke I bank at Welp Fargo

I just posted my first Instagram reel

Am I cool

ME: i’m terrified of ninja bees

FRIEND: what’s a ninja bee

ME: bees that are silent

FRIEND: that’s dumb

ME: *screams*

Please don't take me to an animal shelter or a bookstore unless you wanna see me full-on ugly cry until I get to take something home with me

“Wearing a pair of velvet pants, a leather bodysuit, and a fanny pack feels like wearing a hat on a hat on a hat - how many statement pieces can one person wear?????”

“How many roses is too many roses?” She asks as she glues her 200th rose.

Woman Worried Student Loans Could Prevent Her From One Day Owning Entirely Different Kind Of Crippling Debt PHILADELPHIA—Lamenting that she will spend the foreseeable future paying off her college expenses, local 23-year-old digital marketing assistant Ashley Orlinsky expressed concern Wednesday that her student loans will prevent her from ever owning an entirely different type of utterly crippling debt. “Realistically, it’ll take years or even decades to fully repay $50,000 of loans, which makes me worried that I’ll never qualify for a backbreaking mortgage on a house that I can in no way afford,” said Orlinsky, adding that with $350 in monthly student loan payments, she will likely struggle to even borrow money to purchase a new car that will destroy her credit rating and may one day be repossessed by the bank. “I have dreams of starting my own company at some point in the future, but I just don’t see how I’ll have the opportunity to be saddled for my entire adult life with a suffocating high-interest small business loan if my student debt is following me wherever I go. It’s awful.” Orlinsky was reportedly encouraged, however, after coming to the mistaken conclusion that she could just default on her student loans and have them discharged in a bankruptcy filing.

Woman Worried Student Loans Could Prevent Her From One Day Owning Entirely Different Kind Of Crippling Debt theonion.com/woman-w...

‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory EAST HANOVER, NJ—As part of the health secretary’s highly publicized pledge to determine the cause of the disorder in the next five months, a wild-eyed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly shouted “Show me where autism is made!” Thursday while storming the Sour Patch Kid factory. “Attention Sour Patch Factory people: Give me the autism and no […]

‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory theonion.com/show-me...

I got that dog in me because you should not leave your chicken nuggets unattended around me

Sometimes a date ends with one of you thinking you’ve killed the other’s dog.