I'm sick of writing mediocre posts just to have them ignored

please let me know if you hear about any haunted libraries that are hiring

This second piece of cake tastes like I'm not worthy of real love

Yep

grasping for joys

I resemble that remark 😭🤣happy new year

Please kill me. Thank you for coming to my TED talk

One week into 2026 like

What is this life?

I’m trying to distract you from my ugly with my chatter 😂

DRAGULA PEST CONTROL

Me: So I've been having this problem with ants.

RZ: Dead I am the one, exterminating son

Me: Um, ok. I like working with a family business.

RZ: Slipping through the trees

Me: it's just ants and they're indoors.

RZ: Conquering the worm

Me: I'll just call Orkin, thanks

Just realized I've been clenching my teeth since the early 80s

High school me would have been smitten, too, fyi, but this was 2001 for me, not ‘94 🤪

Whatever, 8 year old me would have been smitten. 🥰😋

“Used to be” he says 😂😘

Stahp it, you were ALWAYS hot? Not fair

Love me violently or don’t waste my time.

I could probably be likeable if I wanted to.

Like so many, my dad was plagued by PTSD and nightmares after the war. In college he switched his major to language and literature because, as he said, "I needed to get it out of my gut...write it down. This is the way it began for me."
Image: Rod Serling 1943 & 1975

I told my elderly aunt I loved her today and only after I said it did I realize we don’t really do that but she looked surprised and then said it back.

She thanked me after she hugged me and I just don’t know why we don’t all say it more 💖

I'm gonna be sexy and weird while I still can

I’ve been so miserable lately I’m genuinely worried I’m at risk of losing my silly goose certification.

Pedro Pascal, who art in Hollywood,
Hallowed be thy jawline.
Thy daddy era come, thy trauma be done,
Give us this day our daily thirst,
And deliver us from weak men and mid TV.
For thine are the mustache, the shoulders, and the smolder.
Amen

🫶🏻🫵🏻

When you take a risk with a new accessory and you not sure if you look fly as fuck or stupid. Given this includes a photo of a parrot in a little sombrero I’m going to go with it being some secret third thing

a cartoon cat is driving a blue car with a fish on the front bumper . ALT: a cartoon cat is driving a blue car with a fish on the front bumper .

🤭

I'm just a victim of circumstance and that circumstance is that I'm awful

That time you saw only one set of footprints in the sand was when Jesus unfollowed you

Heaven exists in the way you smile
The way your eyes sparkle like starlight
There's nothing more beautiful than that

A book in a bookstore called never touch the grumpy chicks.

Just don’t!