I’m always gonna keep a little cheese in the house.

You trying to shack up?

Zendaya reminds me of Heath Ledger in some way that I cannot explain.

I also don’t like what’s going on under the “explore” tab.

KT tape is a scam, right?

Working on my core so I can get back to getting off my couch on the first attempt.

Joshy Mankz is the man.

Shout-out to barely existing

Drinking a thc grape soda, listening to Olivia Dean, and looking at the moon. Life could be so good if everyone just chilled the fuck out.

To be honest, I really do not like it when random people try to talk me into going to church. It’s incredibly rude.

I cooked dinner and now I have to clean up my mess and listen, I didn’t ask for any of this. Just really need someone else to take care of me for a bit. Swaddle me, bro. Pay my bills. Encourage me to nap.

Me: I feel weird

The contents of my tummy: 4 ibuprofen, 24oz of Diet Coke, 1 concerta, and a triple shot of espresso

Gotta order 1/2 cheese 1/2 tomato pie

Having a difficult time gauging how fucked we are tbh

Who is in charge of doing something about all of this? Where are all of the adults?

Slingshot him directly into the sun.

I’m not super sure what’s real and what’s fake anymore and that scares the shit out of me.

I fear that letting the most depraved human beings on this planet accumulate this much wealth and power isn’t a problem that can be solved by voting. I’m not even sure there will be another legitimate election. I hope that I am proven wrong.

Where is this?

🤤

Brb. Gotta go give a corporation 50 hours of my week so that the US government has enough tax revenue to drop bombs on children.

22-33 BILLION LBS*******!

9. I have no proof of this, but I believe you have to have a little something wrong with you to be able to work in this business.

8. Part of the reason dining out is so expensive is because people constantly steal from restaurants. People take our small wares and glassware all of the time. It costs us thousands of dollars a year.

7. Restaurants are dangerous places to work. Once I got a 2nd degree burn in my buttcrack, I shit you not.

6. Walk-ins and beer coolers are the best places to have a panic attack.

5. This business will give you literal nightmares. Dreams about having 20 tables at once and you forgot to ring all of their entrees in and the POS is at your house and your car won’t start so you have to run to your house to ring in your entrees and it takes 6 hours and everyone is mad at you.

4. You will meet some of the biggest scumbags on earth in this business. You will meet some of the kindest, most charitable, empathetic humans alive in this business.