I'm reviewing candidates for a writer position on my team, and it's giving me existential dread. The portfolios I'm looking at showcase crazy talent, and they want to work for ME when I just want a portfolio as good as THEIRS.
(Late for pre-school, trying to get 4yo in the car)
Remi (seems fine): Ouch, I hurt my butt.
Me: Okay.
Remi: Do you not love me?!?! I said I hurt my butt!
Remi uses my Spotify account so my year in review was all songs from the Frozen soundtrack. It said my listening age was 31.
That billionaire consuming the blood of his son to make him younger is funny because any parent could tell you that kids age you more than blood could give back. So you’d have to have more kids and drink their blood and on and on until you’re swimming in blood and children…what was the question?
4-year-old said “ I have to go potty that’s why I’m naked!” Then came out of the bathroom naked, singing “Zombie! Zombie! Zom-b-b-bie! In my heaaaad!”
Remi bursts into our room first thing this morning: Mama! Dada! I’m not wearing underwear. It’s a mystery!
Modern dishwashers: Don’t rinse, wash, or scrub just shove those dishes in dirty!
Hardened piece of cheese now permanently stuck to my grater: We are one now.
I couldn’t make it to #AFF this year, so instead I built a shed.
Welcome to my talk about what a shed can teach you about screenwriting:
1) Start with a strong foundation.
2) Seal the cracks so you don’t end up building a home for spiders.
End of talk.
Keep em coming! I wish I was there 😭
Going to bed last night Remi says “Can I ask you a real quick question…how was the earth made?”
So now we’re both tired.
Like FARTher, like son.
I mean…I might pick up smoking if those things happen and I’ve NEVER been a smoker.
Been watching the Hotel Transylvania movies with my kids and now the 1-year old says “Bleh!” anytime he sees a Dracula and I couldn’t be more proud.
Vivarium? The reviews are mixed, which I won’t argue against, but this movie unsettled me to the point where I was thinking about it months after which I think is a sign of well done horror.
Ever find out any alternatives?
If Sean Evans’ stomach (and democracy) can withstand I think it’s safe to say that the next president will appear on Hot Ones prior to being elected.
Sending them your way!
Learned last night that a friend battling cancer had passed away. I’ve been keeping it together today until Remi chooses his bedtime book: Bluey, Camping.
“Sometimes special people come into our lives, stay for a bit and then they have to go.”
😭😭😭😭
My 4YO with no context of Mario just said: It’s me, I’m Mario. Pizza time!
I think he nailed it.
Remi looking surprised to see me: Oh, it’s you.
Me: What’s up bud?
Remi: I was just thinking about my favorite ghosts this morning and thought you were one of them.
Me: 😳
I guess spooky season has begun.
Boss: JP, you’re doing a great job!
Me: Gaah! I know, fuck!
My biggest priority right now is finishing a rewrite for some producers, but thanks to my executive disfunction I’ve been procrastinating by focusing on my day job. So I’m doing really good at work and stressing about this script.
Why do Friday’s always Friday?
Watching Alone under a blanket, with the A/C on, while eating ice cream, thinking “I could do that.”
Follow up, the pew-pews were indeed used to build a flower. I decided that this should be the democrats gun policy moving forward. Yes, we are taking your guns and we’re turning them into flowers. Go suck an egg.
I was not expecting an arsenal to be in lauded with the succulent Lego I was building with my 4YO, luckily he said “Good thing there are so many cameras!”
Remi: Bell is the best princess, she’s the king of princesses.
My takeaway is to turn a character in my scripts into a robot and add a number to the title. Any producers interested in:
HATER5
SNAGLE2TH
4TTACK ROB0T
KILLER 5318008
Walking past the event booths at our local Pride fest I asked Remi what sticker he wanted and he just said, “Beans.” Sure enough, this kid gets a bean sticker at the 4H booth. Live your truth, little man.