Hard times....

My favourite song about a business selling inflatable bands is Pump Up The Jam....

a cartoon monkey wearing a pirate hat and crossbones playing drums ALT: a cartoon monkey wearing a pirate hat and crossbones playing drums

I used to wear really tight polo neck jumpers but I couldn't pull them off...

Today is National Hanging Out Day. I was celebrating it in Costa before the police officer came in and explained I'd misinterpreted what the day was all about & that he had to take me to the station....

Today is National Piñata Day & I'll have loads set up at my party…more than you can shake a stick at...

The World is made up of protons, electrons and neutrons. With the exception of America which mainly consists of morons.

Got a letter today telling me I wasn't good enough to get into origami school.......I don't know what to make of it......

I see what you did there 🤭

I see what you did there 🤭

Today is National Auctioneers Day. To celebrate I'm getting hammered....

My Mel & Kim obsession is taking over my life...can anyone help me find a respectable therapist?

a man wearing a bandana and a black hoodie is standing in a crowd of people . ALT: a man wearing a bandana and a black hoodie is standing in a crowd of people .

Coaching a group of 7 year olds at a mid term football camp. Asked them what song they wanted on for a game we were playing....13 out of 14 shouting "No Scotland No Party!'" ....the last one? Nah, can we have Tupac, California Love 😱🤭

Fair 🤷‍♂️🤭

Can't believe I missed National Dolphin Day…it wasn't on porpoise....

Just got thrown out a party for National Scrabble Day because I wasn't any good....I'm totally lost for words....

Rain or Shine, I always make sure I get to my Five Star addiction support group....

🤭👏

Today is National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day. I'm celebrating by putting the heating on & being toastie…

Coachella is when you get food poisoning on a bus, right?

To celebrate National Farm Animals Day I'm having a fancy dress party…I'll probably make an ass of myself.....

The Ninja Turtles would've been a lot more relatable if Raphael, Michelangelo & Donatello had joined up with one dressed in blue, called Rabbie Burns 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

When I was at the lowest point in my life I'm glad my limbo instructor was there to help me....

They don't call me educational for nothing 🤣

Out for a walk & just found this in the woods.😱...if you don't hear from me again any time soon, my last known location on what3words is
presenter.detriment.tortoises
🙏😊

My Irish pal has invented a drug that makes your chat a lot more interesting.....he's called it craic cocaine....

Today is National Geology Day & Easter. I'll be celebrating both in keeping with my rock n roll lifestyle…

Merry Easter 🐣 🥶

That's my Easter Sunday carryout sorted.....

I'm starting a podcast about crocodiles. Calling it Snapchat.

Today is World Marbles Day. They won't be celebrating in the USA because they've lost theirs....