I know. I was the one who suggested it.

HE'S RETIRED. YOU WON'T BE MISSED, YOU CREEPY NEANDERTHAL FUCK.

An item has arrived.

The great thing about the internet is that you can just log in, post the words "Paddington Bear at the glory hole", and sit back and watch as people argue over whether he's standing or kneeling.

5571 :: 130

I swear, if one more person says that millennials spend all their money on silly things they wanted as kids...

Anyway, something I've wanted since I was 14 is arriving tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited.

Got banned from Spain for calling it Starboardugal.

Penwas.

Raced through to the bathroom. Light cord came off in my hand. No idea how to fix. I guess I'm only having secretive pees from now on.

I shouldn't be a homeowner.

This thing is so cool. And its invention ain't bad either.

5571 :: 120

cookie monster from sesame street with big white eyes and a smile on his face ALT: cookie monster from sesame street with big white eyes and a smile on his face

If it looks anything like those photos, we should wait another 35 years to make that movie. This guy will be in the public domain by then.

Every once in a while, I google how old Rupert Murdoch is just to remind me that I have something to look forward to.

It's snowing. Sideways. I refuse to accept any property damage from anything called Storm Dave.

It was sunny 15 minutes ago. I looked away for a second and got a fat load of #penisnow in my face.

Roman, circa 24AD: "Hey, is this JC Carpenters? I was wondering if you could knock me up a few crosses?"

JC: "Ah sick, love those things. Wouldn't want to try them myself, you know?"

Cherry Coke Zero tastes more like Dr Pepper than Diet Dr Pepper does and I think we need to have a serious talk about getting that charlatan struck off.

Looks like it's a bootleg, but that doesn't bother me. And I forgot tomorrow's a bank holiday so I got paid early... I might just do it.

ebay.us/m/dBr3Gs

I may have done something silly. I may be wearing something again.

Why? This did not go well last time.

(Oh boy I sure hope there's no snipers reading this...)

Socrates nuts.

I just had another look. There's 3 copies available and the guy has already sold 7.

Someone had 10 sealed copies of Bad Religion's prog album. There's no way this isn't one of the band still trying to get rid of stock from 1981.

Found a sealed copy of Bad Religion's 'Into the Unknown' on Ebay for like £30. Which is roughly £45 more than it's worth, and I don't have £30 right now.

Really tempted to get it anyway just for the fact that it'll make me laugh whenever I see it.

An extremely well-drawn portrait of Jonathan Holmes, star of MTV Road Rules: The Northern Trail.

B&M should pay for their crimes. They had graphics tablets for a tenner, so of course I got one.

My first portrait.

Halms (Skutter, 2026)

Model: @tronknotts.bsky.social

The Emlalock "session complete" screen showing that I've just been released from chastity after 43 weeks and 2 days.

THREE HUNDRED AND THREE DAYS! It's over. I'm free.

Now what do I do?

Chips and cheese with ketchup is a scheme Lasagne.

Chips and cheese with brown sauce is a scheme Paneer Biryani.

The tiktok inbox button with a red bubble over it reading "99+".

You know you've fucked up when the app brings out the plus sign.

@maxscoville.bsky.social Maxolotl.

If I ran a videogame publisher, I would simply pay people to make videogames, sell the videogames, and then use that money to pay those people to make videogames.

Novel concept, I know.

A screenshot from BBC complaints show Points of View where the late Sir Terry Wogan's package was poorly concealed within his mustard cords.

This is your semi-regular reminder of that time Terry Wogan's nulge was prominently on display.

a couple of stuffed mice standing next to each other on a blue background ALT: a couple of stuffed mice standing next to each other on a blue background

5571 :: It is fluent in both Drone and Clanger.

Also, you're running against the Greens and your only policies are "better public transport for rural areas" and "treat drug addiction as a health issue"? Both of which are Green policies as well?

The AI just screams "I blame everything else on the boats."