MY NOSE IS SO FUCKING ITCHY WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME STOP

START THINKING LIKE A JESSICA:

Instead of: Hello.
Say: Hiiii what's up!!!

Instead of: Hey turn on the Xbox.
Say: Hey boot up the Playstation 3!

Instead of: I have an after school redemption today.
Say: I'm really gonna do it this time!

I HATE TAFE ITS SO BORING THEY AREN'T EVEN TEACHING US ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT THE COURSE IS ABOUhi everyone!

THIS. Sometimes I just

Welcoming @maxwellimillion.bsky.social to Bluesky! Welcome! Welcoming him to Bluesky! Hello! The world grows bigger Welcome to Bluesky! We'd all like to welcome you to Bluesky! Hello! Welcome to the world. Welcome to the world of Bluesky! I'd like to welcome you to Bluesky! To the world of Bluesky!

when ur friend is complaining about being single and they lowkirkenuinely haven't touched a bathroom in 6 months and smell like fermented dog semen

Well... now that you mention it... I do have 10 rabid dogs in my attic... and they ain't gonna feed themselves.

yummy yummy........... way to make a horrible situation into a yummerlicious one! i'm excited for some lobster dinner! 🤤🤤🤤🤤

mmmmmmmmmm........... lobstre......can i have some toooooo?

I DIDNT WANT THIS I DIDNT WANT ANY OF THISSSSSSSSSSSSS PLEASEEEEEEEEE :((((( THESE LOBSTERSSSSS THEY CAN'T BE STOPPEDDDDDDDDDDD WE'RE GONNA DIEEEEEEEE

Oh god... uh... uh... FUCK. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T WANNA DIE I'M SCAREDDDDD :( DO SOMETHING

Oh dear, I PROMISE that wasn't normal. I think the lobsters must be messing everything up! Remember last time? In Philly? And the portal? The lobster god? Yeahhhhh... might be that happening again... just don't listen to your reflections and you'll be fine, okay?

Great! Let me know, thanks for sorting this all out. Oh, and just to let you know, the lobsters escaped the pods again. Oops! Might have to send out you-know-who.

Well, I just talked to her and she was VERY disrespectful! Absolutely disgraceful behavior from your employees. She just kept repeating what I was saying back to me and mimicking me! Didn't even try talking to me!

@ak47real1.bsky.social is my secretary! Who's yours?

Hm, I could try negotiating it a little. How do I get into contact with her? Does she have a secretary or something?

Wow! Yyyyep. Great ol pal of mine. Infact just recently she needed a delivery driver! Reckon I could apply for it?

Mmkay, seems good, I just have some extra legal stuff that needs to be sorted out, could you call my secretary? They're at @ak47real1.bsky.social.

You did it. Is what I would say if I needed a secretary, infact I don't own a business or a building let alone a reception, but I am actually looking for a job and I would be quite a good delivery driver if you're looking for one?

Hm. Suddenly the vent smashes of the wall and ten thousand lobsters start erupting from the vent hole, slamming into everything in the room and destroying the reception, what do you do now?

Let's find out if you'd be a good secretary.

A customer calls. "Hello, this is Leo Joe. My Plum is expired and my tum tum is rumbling. Please do something" What do you do?

Sorry just staying #Professional. My secretary doesn't like it when I'm a jokester and a trickster

I don't know what mcdonalds or the united kingdom has to do with this considering that number is my secretary but thanks for letting me know

Uh no that's my secretary call it

+44 161 236 2567

Talk to my secretary

I JUST COMMENTED THIS ON AN AUSTRALIAN ONE NATION PARTY POST AND THEY FUCKING LIKED IT. IM CRYING DUDE

Hi guys! School is tomorrow! If I'm not there and also stop appearing online, don't post, and stop responding to messages, do not fret! I will be doing alive living human things that alive people do! This is because I will be not dead. And I will be alive! And not dead! So don't search for my body!