There’s little that can reduce you to tears quite so exquisitely as the right piece of music at just the right time.
That said, a well timed football to the testicles does come close though.
We've used an AI to design a stimulant so dangerous it causes lightning bolts to shoot from the eyes of its victims and secretly added it to the coffee at this fine restaurant. Let's listen in to what people have to say about it.
It never fails. I text myself a little reminder and my immediate reaction is who the fuck is this now.
Where we stand today 👇
NGL This fudge tastes like shit.
Sacrilegious
I recognize the butthole but still wondering who the AI company using it as a logo is.
Which AI company would that be kind sir?
Ordered Pizza Hut last night and never again. Quality has gone to shit. Close as many stores as you like.
Stiff joints you say? Try discarding the stems before rolling. Might as well get rid of the seeds too while you're at it.
I remember one time I was being arrested and the officer had an asthma inhaler so I was like ‘Which department are you from? COPD’ lol.
I got tazed real good that day.
I doubt there will be a second date after I told her I can only be contacted by fax or skywriting.
I don’t take moral direction from the malignant liars and frauds on team Trump
I’m team Leo
First day as an infrastructure engineer at Bluesky. They let me put a piece of bologna in the CD drive and nothing bad has happened so far
And Jesus asked the multitude "WTAF?"
To retire comfortably the average American male needs to have saved at least 500,000 raccoon penises.
Sorry I yelled “FINISH HIM” at your son’s circumcision
The sign at my local gas station now just reads “Market Price”
"Dammit Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a bloody mind reader!" - Dr. "Bones" McCoy
#DonaldTrump
Drive thru guy told me to pull around front like we were going to brawl so I asked him if he was mad at me and he said "no, I just need you to pull around front." I don't need this drama I just want a cheeseburger sir.
It makes me nostalgic to see politicians retire in the face of sexual assault claims instead of running for President.
*slowly raises hand*
I can tell this baby at the park is soft on crime.
“I KNEW I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque” I say awkwardly after accidentally walking into some dude’s bare ass in the gym locker room.
America is divided between people who can’t believe the corruption and people who won’t believe the corruption.
To be fair this is a photograph of my actual doctor.
Every day Trump proves that he’s a massive pile of shit
And every day Republicans beg and scrape before him, lining up to kiss his flabby, puckered ass
A doctor costume, honestly, not Jesus…
friggin weak ass pope hasn't even blown up any fishermen what a loser