In the 80’s you shampooed with Agree or “ gee you hair smells terrific “ or you weren’t getting laid

I just want to be that old guy that says “ he just rubs me the wrong way” and everyone agrees with me

S. Carolina, I’m in you!
Already had some S. Carolina bbq and it was …magical👍

This checks out

I don’t have all the answers, I’m just a dude, buuut…this ain’t it

Ok, so it wasn’t a crack den “ per set “ but I passed out in this house in Hollywood , and a crackhead woke me up and packed a pipe for me to wake up and didn’t steal the rock I had in my hand, I dunno it stayed with me. Good crackhead dude

*discovery of potatoes*
1st person: What should we do with these?
2nd person: *clenches fist* EVERYTHING.

….buts it’s kinda important right now, this is our chance, please vote.
This is it

Look, I’m not a political guy and I don’t want to “ merge “ into one…buuut we are in a sitch and it’s kinda important, please vote muthafuckas, I know it’s a pain in the ass, and the Repubs are gonna make it harder…

Minnesota! I feel you! I support you! I am you!
I will vote!!!!!

Hey I’m nobody, but @donlemonofficial.bsky.social , that doesn’t help

Please

Me? Oh I’m fine, Just living in US with the most corrupt, white collar bitch , penny anti, weak bitch ass, pedo pissant punk as the president of my country.
And yes I’m gonna vote again, please get off your ass and join me?

Growing up in LA, I can attest that when someone asks “ Where you’re from?” The correct answer is “ Nowhere” , cause of gangs
.. ( Ice problems)

Happy New Year if you're in to that sort of thing

I’m at the “hold my moobs when I go down the stairs” level now. Get at me

i always have the last laugh. not bc im evil or anything. just kinda dumb so sometimes it takes me a minute

[first day as a firefighter]

[fights fire with fire]

[gets fired]

Bro, do you even lift, laugh and love?

It’s Monday, or as I like to call it, motherfucker.

a button that immediately drafts a restraining order when you reply to my posts

geez, Millie Bobby Brown, save some names for the rest of us

I just want enough money to figure out which of my problems can’t be solved by money

The sheep, out of hatred for the rabbits, voted for the wolf to preside over the farm. They all died. Even the chickens, who didn't vote.

I just watched Karate Kid 6 so I’m technically part of the problem.

like snow on a palm tree, beautiful, but somehow just not right

I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck

I never know how long to rest in between workouts…

It’s about six months, isn’t it?

He learned that on the Island

[inventor of the bungee jump] no, you go first.