It honestly makes me tear up writing this, but it feels like a sad regular fact, not that I long for any kind of love, just the same sadness I feel when thinking about something removed from myself. It's just weird. And sad. Weirdly sad.

Aside from my kiddos and my grandma I don't know that anyone has ever really loved me.

I've been married. I've been in long term relationships but I've never felt loved. I've certainly never felt like anyone loved me the way that I loved them.

Currently sitting in my "office" watching the fog slowly creeping through the backyard on its way to swallow the house.

I am a deeply traumatized person and sometimes I'm all "hey! Look at you moving through the world. Good job" and sometimes I'm like "I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING PLEASE HELP"

That guy did turn out to be really shady by the way. The ex did some work for him (like thousands of dollars worth) and was never paid. I don't remember his name but he looked like an evil Steven Paige.

He was such a superior human to any of us obviously. No booze, no coffee, nothing.

Anyway, I think that's why I don't like wine. It's not that I don't, it's just that it holds so much trauma for me.

What was the point of this post? I dunno. Sometimes I just want to get things off my chest.

I'm the morning I got up. Poured any alcohol on the house down the sink and proceeded to clean the tiny spot of barf from the car before he woke up.

I will never forget how much I felt like trash. Like the worst pos that ever lived cause I drank a little too much.

He didn't drink, by the way.

I did my business, got a coffee, and headed back to the car.

Then I felt like shit. At some point I threw up out the window. I got a tiiiiny bit of barf on the door or this man's car. HE LOST IT. Called me irresponsible, a drunk, trash. Made sure I knew I was to fix this indiscretion.

I don't remember the party after this. I remember being suddenly in the car. Then I remember having to poop. Anyone else get the wine shits? Suddenly, i had to go and I had to go NOW. Thankfully, this is Canada and there was a timmies.

Now, I hadn't been feeling poorly until this moment.

I was already drunk at this point and remember feeling REALLY BAD that I was talking to the kiddo while intoxicated (along with the guilt of having fun without this munchkin present. I didn't really leave her alot)

I went back to the table and had another glass.

Douchbag guy made me very uncomfortable and I'm terrible as it is in social situations. I knew NONE of these people and they were all "smarter" (or so I thought) than me. I started drinking.

At 7:30 I got a call from my kiddo. I went outside to talk to her. She missed Mommy but I talked her down

There was free wine at the wedding. Every table got a bottle of white+ a bottle of red except no one was drinking the white wine. I LOVE white wine. Atleast, I did at the time. So my table, which consisted of two other people I don't remember, my ex, and douchbag guy. We began trading red for white

The wedding itself I don't remember AT ALL. I can't honestly even say that we made it to the ceremony. I do remember however, most of the reception (after the food)

I remember my ex talking to some dude. I told him later this guy was SHADY AS FUCK but I don't think he believed me at the time

This was the first time I had been out out in YEARS. I got dressed up, I looked really pretty, and the wedding was pretty far away (4 hours from where we lived)

I remember nothing of note of the drive there. I assume it was plesent. We had only been together a few months and I like car rides

A short (?) story about why I thought I don't like wine

My (ex) husband (we were still just dating at the time but anyway) got an invite to his friend/colleague's wedding. I knew absolutely NONE of those people.

I was 23. I left my kid (3 at the time) with her grandparents for the weekend.

I have an ember mug. I bought it with my first Xmas "gift" card from work. That was 4 years ago. Its name is Happy Happy Warm Warm and it's on the list of about 4 things getting me through this horrible winter we are having.

Let us all rejoice and thank Happy Happy Warm Warm for their service

These men get so hard being able to execute people like this.

I'm eternally annoyed by the "witches" on the Internet who tell you about their spells so they can sell you their oils or tinctures etc

The fact that he thinks all his sex worker escapades were with women who chose to be in that profession is pretty naive really.

I'm sure some of them were l, I know they exist, but....I know for sure that a few of the hotels he visited for those escapades are those where trafficking is rampant.

@adoptourcrew.bsky.social is doing the lord's work right now. Reading the q&a thread has made me so so so happy

If you had a friend or family member that told you of their recent, very sudden "mutual" break up of their almost 20 year marriage and then the next week they bring a new partner to every function, wouldn't you think "hey, that's pretty fishy!"

While we were separated & living together he told me he was so upset cause his dream of "impregnating someone" was never going to come true. (He's with a woman who has 3 kids, doesn't want more)

Was he with me in the beginning cause he thought I was a fertile mertle?

Was that atleast part of it?

So, I think I may have realized something super weird, please stay with me.

When I first met my (now ex) husband I had a kid.

(How he is and was with that kid is another story)

We have a child together through IVF (also another story)

To this day I honestly don't even trust that he got tested. He would go away to a clinic in another country so no one knew and it couldn't be "traced" or some paranoid shit.
I haven't been tested and I really should but I'm honestly terrified.

I think about this alot.

If he gave me one it would be grounds for divorce. I was NOT kidding. He kept saying that was crazy and raised his point about medications. But that wasn't the point. He didn't hear me. He kept stating his point.

And I'd like to keep it that way. He kept telling me that even if he came home with something it's not that big a deal cause they have meds for those things now and they can be cleared up. No harm no foul.
I said no. I got this far and I don't want any STDs

My ex started seeing people outside our marriage and I "let" it happen. We had many conversations about STDs and one of my "rules" was that he get regularly tested. He agreed. But then the conversation went further. I told him I had gotten this far in my life without any

Man announces to his family a "sudden" break up of his marriage that everyone was shocked by

3 days later man introduces his mother to his new partner.

No one thinks anything of it or calls him out at all.

He continues to tell everyone the breakup is not his fault. And came out of no where...

They know it was bad...

... But it was so much worse

YES HE WAS RAISED BY WOMEN. DO YOU KNOW WHO THOSE WOMEN ARE HE TRUSTED???!!?? My daughter just stared at him when he said that.....