marathon is gonna get me to cut back on weed because i get waxed when i am high and running about tau ceti

if i ever get a 3d printer my goo-gaw and knick-knack acquisition rate would be alarming

when he's on the plane they should call it "air force dumb"

interesting that wapo is going after cdc shit. so i guess bezos wants his warehouse slaves to die of exhaustion, not covid

today i talked to a 91 year old osu alum!

in high school we had to do these "what my future will look like" projects and one of my friends included in his future that he would attend my funeral after i was "gored in the ass by a bull in pamplona"

did not know that ass-gorings were a legit concern

asking chat-gpt how many vyvanses to take to transform into philip k dick

Infowars/Onion combo logo in rainbow saying “I support the onion’s hostile media takeover.”

It’s finally happened. After 18 months. Finally, a media merger you can root for.

grandad used to work at IBM, like forever ago. started there in the punchcard days. fuckin HATED ncr machines. he would harrumph and say "ncr? you know that stands for national cash register"

but now how will you see all the posts about those rocks? orbs? ring cameras? in middle earth?

check on your friends if they sad react to big booties

"jake tapper" sounds like the name of a kid encyclopedia brown busts cheating at magic cards on the playground

also the travelling trophies should all be like, some babylonian artifact the school isn't using

steel wool does the trick too

they should have the courage to put this headline on an accident report

if i was in charge of uchicago they would be back in the big ten with travelling trophies for every conference matchup

a dear friend is leaving cleveland for the windy shores of chicago. i am pressuring them to become a northwestern sports fan despite their lack of enthusiasm for athletics. northwestern fans don't care about sports: it's the perfect fandom for them

chip kelly, seen here with son dip (32), breaks down tape ahead of the big game

this is, as far as i can tell, how my brother is dealing with student loans

can't garnish my wages if i don't have a job

it's good to remember that the classics are classics for a reason

being followed around the restaurant by a dishtanker who won't stop talking to me about an elliot gould movie that he liked as a kid

*getting off the phone with my boss assuring him that his 1 million bees will be arriving shortly and logging into bluesky*

Truck carrying 1 million bees crashes in Knoxville, closing I-40 ramp: TDOT The ramp from I-40 East to Henley Street has been closed, thanks to a collection of swarming bees, according to the Tennessee Department of Transportation.

hey y’all free bees www.wvlt.tv/2026/04/17/t...

cars driving down the roads at twilight

Ernst Haas, A Car drives down a Desert Road in Twilight, USA, 1967

fantasy of a girlfriend who plays video games while i sit next to her and read a book

they should make star fox a roguelike

in the old ncaa football games they had "all-time" teams for a lot of storied programs, players would be named for their year and position. 1939 UCLA HB being jackie robinson blew my mind at age 12. arguably the greatest athlete of all time

was discussing pro wrestling with one of my cooks last night, talking about how something so silly has been so popular for so long. his theory:"we love to see the good guy beat the bad guy" so simple, but it's also true. we do love to see the good guy beat the bad guy.