I should start drinking again. I hate it but i dont want to be sober if i have to exist in this stupid fucking world

Id google how much xanex it takes to kill yourself but im pretty sure i don't have enough anyway

Maybe if i died i would be able to be with my characters and it would be really great and we could all hang out forever and i would have the body i want and i wouldn't be crazy and unlovable

Like my grandma died my grandpa died also,uhh my cousin died recently i dont think anyone else i havent been close to any of them in adult hood

Ive just been acting normal im anxious rly bad i think tho

Tw death

Ok so not in a paranoid way but in a real way im kind of anxious cos my great gma might die soon maybe. She kinda is goin downhill and i havent had a Real Present death happen and idk what to do i have been living with her for years

At least im cute

Imagine a sigh the size of texas . Im doing that rn. Just a really big large sigh. Im not stopping either im gonna keep on going with this bitch

If u think im crazy now just wait until i DO inevitably go off my meds which i guarantee will happen because it keeps happening because something is wrong w me

Hunches over dragging my feet sadly over to my Medicine Counter one comically large tear sliding down my idiot clown face

Ur a fuckin nerd @ myself. Nerd idiot stupid go take ur pills stupid

Me: man id like to be scared of the toilet and my closet and cans of soda and suddenly not know where i am sometimes and hallucinate shadows of rats and bugs and have screaming melt downs over everythjng it sounds so fun rn :o)

I wish i could skip the withdrawal and go straight into the paranoid delulu crazyass shit. Maybe its a self harmy thing idk why else i get in the mood to stop taking all my meds sometimes. I mean i hate taking them.... But being off them sucks more than taking them

I have cold turkeyed off psyche meds several times n i havent died yet tbh but the withdrawals r crazy on my new meds like 12+ hrs without ziprasidone everything gets all swirley and i feel like im dying

Recently been wanting to cold turkey off all my psyche meds just to be crazy a little bit

Why is my grandma literally the biggest stupidest most useless garbage person alive.

His useless piece of shit dad molested me too apparently i dont remember that instance at least . Im glad he ODed

Sa csa tw

Why is every man in my family a molester to me my mom + my female siblings . If i see that little piece of shit kid im going to scream at him + going to bully him about his dead dad . And my grandma doesnt even CARE what he did. Why am i just learning about this.

Apparently it was a bpd thing which i get but it was rly distressing still but at least i dont have to be upset about it anymore i guess

Ok i took a xanex now im normal

*melodramatic* i want to throw up over this

Its so bizzare and kind of cruel in my opinion like.... Friends dont do that shit to each other...... Why have you been lying to me that ur my friend if ur this willing to block me without even talking to me first. Why should i trust literally anyone!!! 🫂 Pats u ppl r mean

Crying a lot i didnt mean to do anything wrong i didnt mean to. I thought everythng was ok . Pets my little dog

I dont know why people get sick of me. I try not to be a problem or a bother i dont like annoying people i dont like hurting people and ppl get sick of me and leave me and i dont understand. I dont know what i did i wish he at least told me . What is so wrong with me i thought we were friends

Sorry i dont mean to post a lot im just upset and i think im allowed to be upset.

And i didnt need this piled on top idk!!!

yea ur allowed to block me for whatever reason u found to block me when i havent done anything without saying anything, when our last messages were literally "i love you" , but im allowed to be real hurt and think ur mean for it !!! Not cool fam. Im already experiencing a very terrible friend loss

Like i dont understand :( last messages we had were literally "i love you!!!"

Sniffles