tw: gender dysphoria
I hate my body
I hate younger me for giving up on myself
I hate the world for convincing me that I had to lie to myself to be "safe"
I hate how clothes fit me
I hurt
I want a shape
I want to change
I want to feel *right*
I'm tired of waiting
#lgbtqia #Dysphoria #Transgender
I think I've struck on what might the worst part about having something like #ADHD for so many years (especially undiagnosed until late in life)
You just stop noticing that you lose time...it become such a normal part of your existence that you don't even recognize when it happens most of the time
I've barely thought about her since she passed away over a year ago but my mom's been on my mind a lot lately.
How would she feel about my transitioning?
Would she help me learn makeup?
Would she accept me?
I'll never get to know and, for the first time since, that's really getting to me 😢 💔
Anything worth it in this life will be scary and terrifying and heartbreaking and I know that I'm worth it.
I believe that you are worth it.
I believe that this is worth it.
I see you, I believe in you, and I love you for everything that you are.
💗
In the same way that it's okay how much you or anyone else is able to be there for yourselves...there is no right or wrong in this journey so long as you are honoring yourself and your needs.
It's scary and terrifying and heartbreaking but if being nearly 40 has taught me anything it's this...
...afraid and uncomfortable to wear obviously fem clothes with a masc presenting face.
I am doing a lot, I am showing up for myself and I recognize that and when I'm able to I celebrate it but I'm not able to be there all the time or even as much as I would like to and that's okay.
IT IS OKAY
A good example is yesterday morning, I got invited at the breakfast by a friend who I am out to.
When I got dressed I put on a pair of my fem jeans (because they're not obvious) but I still felt like I had to wear a boy shirt because I didn't have time to put on makeup or anything and I was too...
2. I am going to that same woman's house to hang out with just the two of us.
1. I am going to a card shop that's about (not local) where, while I know some people, most would not recognize me but one of the people who works there and is working is a really good friend and one of the women that cracked my egg so I have someone there who makes me feel safe.
The times were I have gone out with the full look (hair, clothes, makeup) for long periods have been one of two situations:
I share pictures of myself when I'm excited or nervous or proud of some new thing that I've tried but I'm not always being brave but most of the time when I am being fem I am at home and I'm not going anywhere or, at most I have an old friend coming over.
Liking the person that I see really is the motivation that I need to keep pushing through self doubt within me and keep going
And when I'm really bad I try to force myself to give give grace to me...and when I don't have that well I have beautiful friends who love me in the way I cant at that moment
I have a confidence when I dress up, wear makeup and put on my hair. I look in the mirror and I genuinely love the woman that I see
Never in my life did I have a fraction of that confidence I was constantly nervous about whether people around him noticed whatever non-trad thing I had going on.
Your life is, was, and will be different from mine and so will your journey.
I constantly get jealous when I look at some content creators as well as the two really close trans fem friends that I have but I also recognize that, so long as I allow myself I'll get there some day as well
I'm not stuck
I was talking to someone last night and I think that what I had to say to them might be helpful to some others so I wanted to share
They say that Comparison is the thief of joy and in no way has that felt more relevant to me than since I started my transition
#trans #transfem #transgender #LGBTQ
A public transit bus where the displays just have a bunch of question marks
You and me both Mr. Bus
Pro tip: fishnet covering the holes in your pants does not make up for the fact that there are holes in your pants when it's cold as fuck outside
I wish that I could be as heartless as she believes I am
nothing has improved our living situation is increasingly precarious and we are running out of time. Jess will hopefully be getting a new/second job soon it has a second interview next week. i need help we need help. we're fucking terrified and running out of time.
fuck your family members who don't respect your pronouns. they don't deserve you
Some people are very good at writing sex and some people are good at believing that they are good at writing sex, the first is a tremendously impressive skill and the second is what makes for deeply uncomfortable author presentations at science fiction conventions
this is what it's like, yeah.
I love metabee standing there *menacingly*
It's inappropriate to take your pants off before they weigh you in a DRs office so the number is smaller...right?
I shouldn't do that?