Sort of appropriate that “masochism” also gets its name from a perverted nobleman but no one’s aware of him

5 word sad story: "Wilson!" he called. (Watch Castaway)

Milk me like one of your french cows

METABOLISM CONSORT: Sir, it’s 2am. He should go to bed immediately

BRAIN DUKE: No. Make music sound good to him for the first time in three years

PENIS SERF : And perchanse a bonner,

You can fuck a sandwich if you’re sincere

If we referred to the number 342 as “bludgeoned and hurt” instead of “three hundred and forty two”, we’d probably have a joke along the lines of “Why was 340 afraid of 341?”. Plus because of the butterfly effect dinosaurs might still be around

the “We Need to Talk about Louis” video essays on youtube are very well-argued and -made. Shifted my view on CK cleanly from “he’s not a good guy but he’s honest and leagues above his peers artistically” to not being able to stomach him

watching: Knives Out. eating: Chives Trout. ailments: Hives Gout.

Committing suicide like this

call me a circular cardboard slip placed under drinks the way I've been coasting

Call me spoon the way I’m makeing a stir

i'll just use this account for journalling. why not

pronouncing "pho" at the phonetic midpoint between the correct-but-pretentious way (fuh) and the Way Of The Philistine White (foe), so as to avoid any and all complications. the waiter (19, born in Hamburg to the grandchildren of national socialists) shrugs. I kill myself

someone DMed me years ago to let me know they got this doodle of mine tattooed on their body indefinitely

and they made a right onto a road specked with fissures and thin plants. the woman pressed buttons on the radio. streetsigns came and went, Walt never knew what they wanted of him. a triangular one, yellow-on-red with an oblong black figure at its centre, crested the windscreen. Walt tasted salt

Peeping Tom more like Creeping Tom am I right {everyone cheers } it might be time to give those guys the "uyghur treatment" {inscrutable subset of people cheer} oh hey mike thanks for coming out {Mike waves}

a hot globule scorched the underside of his wrist and this is when he decided to leave. there was already a woman in his car. "There he is", she said, but Walt didn't know her. he put a thick key in the ignition and turned it to notice the globule still there. The car shuddered forward

His name was Walt Stricken and the morning had found him again. at 9 AM he heated eggs, 6 in one great pan. he caught small images in the albumen: cellos, bushels of grain. the eggs smelled like a seahorse drying on a gaming laptop. he made a sound like a window opening.

It's time to write my great novel

the ant from Bugs life got a standing ovation at cannes for his new film "The make of the foundry"

Leave no stone unturned. There could be an unturned stone under there

Love drinking water in bed without sitting up, where the liquid sort of sits at the bottom of your oesophagus and you almost throw up or die. It’s just one of those things I can’t imagine Obama doing

{hearing a Van Halen solo and imagining a big guitar, also forgetting the word for synesthesia } Oh my God.. I think I have bibimbap

{texting ice cream friend} 2 scoops vanilla. waffle cone, chocolate around the rim. Sensational

{texting other friend } Just told him I got ice cream lol

accidentally posting a picture of my flaccid penis on Zillow was terrifying at first, but the idea of my thing being valued at $700,000 healed something in me, something old and forgotten. I'm not too proud to say I cried in that library. Yup, daddy's gonna leave this one up 🍷

my reaction to anything

Big fan of art garfunkels bald son who covers his dad's songs in German

we're 13 months away from a bunch of people calling themselves "woke MAGA". these fringe social currents just boil down to word combinatorics

What the hell man.. That was going to be my Easter message