for abt half a yr the universe truly has just been like "oh ure finally starting to feel good abt urself and where ure at?? time to annihilate all those good feelings Once Again teehee :^)"

maybe im being overdramatic idk im just. tired. want smth to go right w out it being torn away immediately

id like to go one month of 2025 where i Dont have smth send me into an emotional down spiral pls thx

SURELY after 5months in a row i gotta be in store for smth good. please. im quite literally begging

like if he wasnt interested at all suddenly then i could just get angry and cut those feelings off after some brief grieving But. no he does care abt me, he just needs to deal w his own mental health rn and im not in a position where id be able to help at all, he doesnt kno me like that /yet/

in a way this feels worse than him losing interest bc like. no He Is interested he's just. going thru a depressive episode and needs to prioritize himself over a budding relationship for right now. which im very sympathetic towards it's just. hhh

so. turns out the twink was not Intentionally ghosting me but rather going thru some pretty heavy mental health stuff which i totally am sympathetic towards But. we're putting shit on pause until he's emotionally available to continue things

can i catch a fucking break

i really thought our last couple of dates went well too. didnt think he was the kind of guy to leave me hanging. was under the impression he at least had enough respect for me to tell me out right if this wasnt working for him. he got me a goth bunny plush for valentine's day for fucks sake

he's gonna be at a PA con in september we'll take him out then

tired of breaking thru my issues w intimacy and vulnerability only to get my heart broken anyways

oki yeah i definitely got ghosted lmao

jeremy told me to calm down a couple days ago but im still just. heavy breathing. and i kno it's like 90% a trauma response thing but binch if u like me then WHY havent u tried to bother me in the last four days !!!!!!!!

white knuckling my phone bc i wanna annoy and have a deep connection w this fuckass cishet twink but he is a Fuckass CisHet Twink and hasnt texted me in like four days atp AAAHHH ARE U GHOSTING ME OR NOT, FUCKER

twink has not said a word to me since thursday im losing my MIND

i really hope this is just the pre-period bad brain talking but. i think the guy im talking to is losing interest lol

third date secured :^)

dont understand why my mom thinks it's a good idea to try and have a "serious" conversation with me Immediately after therapy lmao. like nagging me abt putting an unsealed bottle of wine in my trunk last weekend couldnt have waited an hour or two

i was correct he had big boy meetings this morning 😔

rattling the bars of my cage bc i wanna text the boy but i already did earlier and he hasnt responded but also i think he gets up early so he prob just fell asleep but RAAAAHHH WHERE'S MY TWINK

finding old screenshots of chatlogs from like 5+ yrs ago making me realize i used to be pretty fucking funny before the trauma set in. what happened to my wit !!!!

date w twink on saturday... nervous but excited......

i enjoy how today my brain was tryna convince me shit wouldnt work and then he texted me earlier than usual and that alone made my brain do a full 180 lol

second date: secured ✨

TWINK

told her how when we talked shit out we both mentioned taking a few days to ourselves, but i was already starting to miss him after 2 days. and then tonight i was like hhh oki i'll text him friday. lo and behold ig he missed me just the same bc he texted me abt his bg3 sesh earlier tonight hehe :>

i may be finishing some of the lemon vodka from katsucon lol. my therapist def gave me some slight side eye after i gave her the run down on what happened w him at katsu But Also. she did see me reasoning behind not cutting him off then and there

TWINK.....

i havent forgiven the twink but i also dont feel slighted to the point of never speaking to him again, he apologized and we talked a bit today and he seems more upset abt the whole thing than i am which i kinda appreciate

i then proceeded to give a different man a hickey after being stood up lmao

he's got a lot of neck... he'd look pretty w a necklace made of me

anyways, real thursday katsu tipsy hourney thots: i hope i get to at least give the boy a hickey this weekend if nothing else. marking my territory :^)