Pink Floyd more like Pink Passoid

Are you gonna get the sexy little trunks or the dad board shorts?

That’s sick as fuck that they just eat out of your hand

No More Peptides!
More Parliaments!
Crush a Camel not your facial bones!

Ahh so recovering from bottom surgery has its own “Am I on my period or really wet or is she just on self clean”

Don’t worry you’ll also experience “am I wet or is she just cleaning” if you haven’t already

ACME FX, like the the instant tunnels that rarely work

ive stopped referring to spoon theory and started referring to emptied bars because nerds seem to understand the concept of depleted resources better than they do spoons (or confusion about spoons and their location)

Can’t believe a TikTok edit of Nick Mullen and Adam Friedland i saw that was set to au pays du cocaine may have actually been a PR firm not a strange girl in her 20s that came of age when Chapo Trap House was in its prime (like I’d assumed)

Oh that’s unfortunate, I feel like they need to just list the ingredients not use descriptions like “wet” “dry”

Did a recipe tell you to mix the wet ingredients and they wanted you to mix the sugar as well? I mean for some things I can see that, like usually for baking it’s creamed with butter and then eggs and your “dry” ingredients are like flour cocoa baking powder etc

He’s gotta be thinking about who is easy for late night and SNL to make fun of.

Nothing America loves more than killing kids who should be in college so they can go “freedom isn’t free”

It’s cut off in my profile photo because it would take up the whole circle.

Glad I can help

Not enough staircases that lead to a door that opens to a wall or whatever the pinball equivalent is.

I love trans girl big naturals and big not fully natural but still very natural looking. I think I’m just a boob girl and it’s cool that there are women who are like “doc my boobs ain’t big enough can you up my prog” or “doc can I get some tasteful implants. Insurance will cover it”

Blow actual bubbles while looking unimpressed, just keep a mini wand of them in your pocket at all times.

I get advertised panties for fat pussies and it’s beautiful

hold on let them cook

I think a candidate could lose in Vermont by a wider margin than there are even black people in Vermont and there would still be someone like “they failed to engage with black voters”

💯💯💯

Stardew Valley over here clocking 50 million sales with SNES-tier graphics and these people are STILL trying to sell me visible pores and individual eyelashes like I ever asked for any of that.

My pussy tastes like jersey mikes cream soda

He was also like kinda rude and ugly and she was pretty

I think I had a table tonight that was a John and a FSSW because they ordered apps and then when I brought out the apps he was asking where his main was and then asked for them to go once I’d delivered them and while I was packing them he was itching to pay. Like guess the meter was already running.

Me when I go to a millennial corporate slop bowl place:

*Weeb voice*
Indi-ana kon-bini

Let the gate agent decide if my carryon has bad vibes. I already flew American and every leg of my journey they randomly decided if my duffle needs to go in the belly despite them saying “only carryons with wheels don’t fit”

That’s beautiful

I also feel like jack harlow’s personality morphed into more r&b as he got famous. Like the quirky bars no longer fit him