I did not have a blocked punt for touchdown on my Bingo card for today, GO BIRDS!!! #FlyEaglesFly

The Rapture happening will be a good thing. Restaurant staff will be screamed at much less and get better tips. Also, teenagers and children will have much fewer predators to worry about

Oh Hell yeah, the Rapture happens tomorrow! If you all of a sudden see dozens of the worst people you've ever met floating upward, that's why. Feel free to claim their hideous mcmansions

Will do!

Great, we just watched the finish outside in our hot tub. She yelled at me for laughing so loudly I was starting to scare the dogs

Hey, I remember you too! I deleted that cesspool site last year, good to see ya again

Look, I've been watching Eagles football since the Buddy Ryan days. That was the most hilarious win I've ever seen in my life! #FlyEaglesFly

How long into his remarks does he just start rambling on about that stupid fucking ballroom?

Oh yeah, you can gain SO MUCH weight here if you're not careful

Lancaster PA resident here. Whether it's building houses, slinging baked goods or getting you baked; one thing for certain is the Amish don't fuck around

As much as I would love his last moments of oxygen wasting to be spent answering for his pedo crimes, we're not getting that lucky. Hopefully the Reaper grabs him soon

I wonder what's going to happen to all these retirement communities when Millennials and Gen Z gets that age. We're not gonna be able to afford that shit. Sorry Brethren Village, the greedy corporations stole our retirement, we're just gonna die on the streets like proper old fashioned Americans

For YEARS there's been a place for all these assholes to gather. It's every comment section of every racially charged local news story on Facebook. Place is a cesspool of hatred and stupidity

Been seeing a lot of posts and videos from medical professionals speculating that the shitbag quite likely has Congestive Heart Failure. So my question is, which brands of beer am I bringing to the upcoming largest block part in US history?

Honestly, the golf course is where he does the least damage. And given how hot Florida gets, this could potentially be really dangerous for an obese old fart bag <crosses fingers>

Well, this sure is a great time for Rush Limbaugh to still be dead

Saying 'fuck' doesn't even crack the top 200 of stupid moments from this clown

Do we really need another Jurassic movie? No. Have any of the recent Jurassic movies been particularly good? Not Really. Am I still going to line up next month to watch Scarlett Johansson and co run from a T-Rex? You're goddamn right I am

This is awesome to see. When I lived in San Diego, my longest apartment stint was in North Park. That and South Park/Golden Hill were my favorite neighborhoods. The people there are really great

My personal favorite is the shower dial that goes from Arctic Glacier Cold to Earth's Core Magma Hot with a quarter inch turn. Excellent work

The older I get, the more I just want this. Like even if I was a billionaire, this would be good enough for me

Don't let us down, Jupiter. Make it epic

Scorsese, Tarantino and Guy Ritchie taught me the importance of character entrance scenes and DeNiro's entrance in Mean Streets is an all-timer

I need to pull this DVD off the shelf and watch it again. Awesome debut from a director honing his craft

I heard Chris Long say that Sirianni is the ultimate Eagles fan getting a chance to coach situation. Like Lurie just looked up into the stands and yelled "You! How many Miller Lites have you had!?! Get down here and coach the Eagles damn it. I agree with Chris

Ah, yes, the Grand Theft Auto series, all games famously known for their law-abiding protagonists and missions supporting law enforcement

Correction, just one Koch brother now. The other is burning in Hell

He should go for it! The swift ruthlessness with which the Vatican would reject him might just un alive him.

The extent of Dr Oz's military service was 60 days of mandatory training for the Turkish Army. That would be like if I just fucked off and hitch hiked home after boot camp. The English language has not yet invented words to adequately describe how much I hate these people