Imagine being blocked on Spotify smh

What if we kissed under the anglerfish lure

Happy pride y'all

I should've realized I was bisexual when I realized that I'd probably fall for siren songs and drown in order to see the beautiful women

A yogurt parfait cup with granola on top appears to have a sad face formed by blueberries and a curved slice of strawberry.

woegurt

"there is nothing worse than a spoon designed to lacerate your flesh"

"What if it also lacerates the flesh of a grapefruit?"

"you can go to work AFTER you finish Bram Stoker's Dracula"

Everything smells like pickles if you have a good enough imagination and enough pickle experience

If I'm ever caught doing karaoke, check in and make sure I'm not being blackmailed or held at gunpoint

After 4 years of working at my job and thousands of emails to my supervisor, she still doesn't spell my name correctly. It has to just be stubbornness at this point

Was it fine though???

Got really high and spent 20 minutes taking pictures of 2 slugs eating a cheez-it on the sidewalk

You're in his DMs, I'm friends with his mom on venmo

Conquer? I barely knew her

Demure and mindful? No, I'm feral and delusional

Literally??

Why Is My Cat Wet: A Saga

rightwingers argue that detransitioners often regret transitioning ignoring that they make up less than 1% of all people who transition, and this opinion is usually from someone who is divorced, don’t see us trying to ban straight marriage even though on average it’s an institutional failure

Cuddling isn't enough, I need to clip through him like a poorly rendered video game character

Omfg hi that was so long ago

do Not tell me to wear an Outfit if I have to wear an Outfit i am Not Going

Don't know who to follow on here so just following people with my name 🙃

No, no, of course I’m paying attention. It’s just that that man, whose literal job is to appear in movies and shows, looks like he might have possibly appeared on an episode of a procedural I half-watched ten years ago.

If you can't amuse yourself, how the hell are you gonna amuse anybody else

For someone who swam competitively for 10 years, I am unreasonably afraid of deep water

My cat is SO SOFT and SO FUZZY and I love her SO MUCH

*discomulates your bob*

shoutout to the lady at the corner store who

complimented my shirt

said “i’m not staring at your tits i’m just trying to read the shirt”

stared for a while

then said “low key i was staring at your tits, they’re great”

In a devastating turn of events, I now play every wind instrument like a bagpipe