sobbing as mom makes me smoke a whole pack of baseball in one sitting

Having a Lana Del Rey summer already

(the horniest ive ever been) have a safe flight ✨

free tramp stamp idea

A woman flexing her bicep with a freshly done tattoo of a seal

everyone meet Sealine Dion

whatever dad I was on buzzfeed once

free tramp stamp idea

the Benadryl entering my blood stream

the thing is when Bluesky isn’t working great, it only makes me like it more

this is still an all time fave twitter interaction of mine

Twitter is LAX and Blue Sky is the Burbank Airport.

Twitter is big, nothing seems to work, and everyone is angry, but sometimes there’s no avoiding it.

While Blue Sky is small, people are chill, and there isn’t that much yelling, (but there aren’t any Guy Fieri restaurants here yet).

has anyone told Tom Cruise he just doesn’t have to run like that?

Looking for a man to steal my heart like it’s second base and he’s playing the dodgers.

calling out of work because I’ve exceeded my rate limit

you call it canceling all plans and staying in I call it having a bottle episode

if you held a gun to anyone’s head and asked them to explain a balk, zero people would survive

when I have to reap what I’ve sown

why does James Cameron want to fuck the ocean so hard

men will really become umps instead of going to therapy

watching the Dodgers has become a long journey to being convinced to join Scientology and celebrate at Morongo resorts

now why are we bringing the titanic into this

now why are we bringing the titanic into this

They’re very normal thumbs

One time a tweet went viral and then Reddit spent days roasting my thumbs

jealous of New Yorkers who have something tangible to complain about right now

Being Horny For Omar Sharif

NY times xword writers 🤝 my Mom

graphic design and discrimination is my passion

Patricia Piccinini sculpture of what looks like a human/beaver hybrid, with extremely realistic human skin and hair. It's very upsetting.

New social network, new group of people to horrify with this piece of art belonging to my friend's mom. His name, and I can't emphasize this enough, is Fred.