a woman in a fairy costume is smiling and holding a magic wand Alt: a woman in a fairy costume is smiling and holding a magic wand

Opportunistic power hungry social climber leverages fortuitous event to eliminate all political opponents and consolidate power base to take over the world.

#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly

She woke up surrounded by the dark priests chanting their incantation. The portal to the Horror Dimension opened, and the creature stepped into the world. She stood up, grabbed the sword, and said, “Time to dance.”

Trying to explain (again) to a 5 year old how a turntable plays music. Don’t keep me in your thoughts others need them more but thank you for letting me lament this pain.

if i had a stun gun i wouldn’t tell anyone so when i stunned them they’d be super stunned

Maybe it's just me, but I think Operation Distract from the Epstein Files is not going as well as it should?

Looks like the new Supreme Leader is a firm believer in the idea behind, "Hold my beer. I said, HOLD MY BEER!" when it comes to being attacked.

US Hockey Teams:

Men: WE WON THE GOLD AGAIN! WOOHOO! IT ONLY TOOK 46 YEARS! IT’S A MIRACLE! LET’S GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE!

Women: We’ve won 8 medals in 8 appearances in the Olympics: 3 Gold, 4 Silver, 1 Bronze. C’mon girls, let’s get back to practice.

Sesame Street: Dance Myself to Sleep with Bert & Ernie YouTube video by Sesame Street

I don’t get why people didn’t think that Bert and Ernie have always been a thing.

I mean, the only way I would allow my “roommate” to have tap dancing sheep while he plays the bugle while singing “Dance Myself to Sleep” is if said “roommate” was way more than a roommate.

youtu.be/biAMh-xdvJc?...

a man in a black shirt is making a funny face while standing in a kitchen . ALT: a man in a black shirt is making a funny face while standing in a kitchen .

Strong, athletic women who just won Olympic Gold get invited to visit a pervy old codger who's allegedly implicated in so many sex crimes.

They politely declined.

I would too.

Ew.

United States: Epstein? Who isn't in the Epstein files! Step down?

Everywhere else: I saw Epstein once at a party. I was not invited to the party. I was someone's last-minute plus one. Didn't even talk to him. I'm stepping down from my duties. I shall self-flagelate for the rest of my existence.

Manners — the social lubricant that keeps the streets from running with blood.

a woman in a fairy costume is smiling and holding a magic wand Alt: a woman in a fairy costume is smiling and holding a magic wand

Opportunistic power hungry social climber leverages fortuitous event to eliminate all political opponents and consolidate power base to take over the world.

#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly

"What's that old dude's job?"
"Which one?"
"The one who sits in the dark in his office, watching porn all day?"
"Oh. Him. He runs a legacy system."
"Why not replace the system?"
"We can't. Only he knows how to run it and keep it going."
"Really?"
"Really. He’s been here for decades.”

"Clothes make the man, and you have to admit, I look fabulous in this!" he said as he stood in front of the mirror wearing the floor-length, backless gown.

I’m not a sportsball guy, but apparently, the Seahawks showed the 49ers who’s boss with extreme prejudice?

THANKFUL … for the superior firepower

GRATEFUL … for the excellent strategies

BLESSED … for being the top dog

a cartoon drawing of a monster with many eyes and lightning around it ALT: a cartoon drawing of a monster with many eyes and lightning around it

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder

“BEHOLD! BEHOLD! BEHOLD!”

She woke up surrounded by the dark priests chanting their incantation. The portal to the Horror Dimension opened, and the creature stepped into the world. She stood up, grabbed the sword, and said, “Time to dance.”

Live, laugh, love ...

Live to avenge the wrongs done by your enemies ...

Laugh maniacally when your enemies' blood runs freely ...

Love the new order, where everyone knows that crossing you is terminal.

Remember when we wondered whether or not Ronald Reagan had some form of age-related dementia?

Good times

that’s my current life tho

“if i could lucid dream id fly!!”

“if i could lucid dream id bang two chicks!!”

okay well if *i* could lucid dream id solve world hunger

Everyone says they’re either Cleopatra or Mark Anthony in a previous life.

No one ever says they were a latrine-cleaning slave in the royal palace.

Oh, sweetie, you’re not being persecuted. Your self-centered, myopic and uninformed opinion just sucks ass.

Jake Paul cornered on a boxing ring, his face full of terror, as he realizes Joshua Anthony is about to pummel him, and he has no way to escape. We can see Jake Paul’s terrified face, but not Joshua Anthony, who has his back to the camera.

When you realize your life choices have led to this terrible moment, you are way over your head, it’s all your fault, and whatever is coming your way is going to hurt …

Eagle Tactical wants to support you as you fulfill your failed dreams through your kid. We’re proud to introduce the Patriot Games Training Camp, which will turn that kid into a worthy competitor for the very first Patriot Games, a young gladiator who will carry your name to glory!

#EagleTactical

Eagle Tactical wants to support you as you fulfill your failed dreams through your kid. We’re proud to introduce the Patriot Games Training Camp, which will turn that kid into a worthy competitor for the very first Patriot Games, a young gladiator who will carry your name to glory!

#EagleTactical

In a headline that would make even the most hardy of Onion writers quit in a rage:

United States President Awarded First FIFA Peace Prize During the 2026 FIFA World Cup Draw Event

frankie, my tabby cat, laying on her lil fluffy cat pad asleep.

i got frankie a soft little heat pad (a little mat with mylar in the layers that stays warm when she’s on it) and she’s fucking obsessed.

a woman in a fairy costume is holding a wand in her hand . ALT: a woman in a fairy costume is holding a wand in her hand .

Opportunistic power hungry social climber leverages fortuitous event to eliminate all political opponents and consolidate power base to take over the world.

#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly