My most toxic trait is that I truly believe I could win American Galdiators if I just I just unleashed all of my suppressed queer rage like the Hulk.

Too much power? Staring at the blinding light of a many-eyed angelic being? Too many teeth?

I say this all the damned time.

My family tree is a potato.

I’m almost 40.

Man in blue shirt smiling at camera

New work headshot is really showing The Trauma. This is the smile of a man who has seen and knows too much. These are eyes that are repressing a bat’s shriek bursting from the skull by only the force of sheer will.

A few hours max. It’s enough to get me through the hardest part of the morning.

(I was looking for anything that would impact HPA Axis dysfunction, and this fit the bill as a possible candidate.)

Phosphatidylserine, inflammation, and central nervous system diseases Phosphatidylserine (PS) is an anionic phospholipid in the eukaryotic membrane and is abundant in the brain. Accumulated studies have revealed that PS is involved in the multiple functions of the brain...

For my big old dorks who like to read, here’s the article I read that specifically spoke to MDD and sleep issues:

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC...

Nah, grudge queens unite. Once someone tells you who they are, believe them.

Oh yeah we have a December Break each year for that reason.

And also I think embracing the spirit of trial and error like a scientist has made it less defeating mentally. “This didn’t fix me. I guess I’m broken baby forever.” No, you dumb baby. That’s not how experiments work. Control for noise and try other independent variables.

Like it’s not a miracle pill, but it has been a nice star in the constellation of methodologies I use to keep The (Water) Temple open for business.

Other constants: anxiety/depression meds, anxiety sleep meds, exercise, low sugar diet, therapy, journaling, data tracking.

I’m not a “supplement peddling chud” if I’m not actually making money off sharing what I’m trying, right? There’s no more interesting experimental playground than one’s own body. And look! Explicit consent on the subject is a given. A win.

So this is not FDA approved for any of the things it claims to support yet, but it is noted as largely low-risk regardless. I have certainly noticed a calming effect after taking it.

I didn’t notice anything until I bumped up to 200mg. I split the dose to morning and night to help me sleep and then to get the work day going without overloading my system.

200mg Phosphatidylserine daily.

200mg Phosphatidylserine daily.

I’ve been a “mind over matter” guy my whole life, but I’ve been leveraging my neuroscience background to challenge that belief; mind and body are deeply connected and synergistic. Yes, you can change your body by changing your thought architecture, but you can also change your body to help the mind.

Figuring out my sleep stuff while bodybuilding has been honestly an enjoyable exercise in curiosity and experimentation. Do a thing. Track data for a month. Adjust. Try again.

The emotional shift is that it feels like I have some agency in working with my body.

I added in a supplement targeting cortisol reduction a month back or so, but I figured out that I’ve been taking about a fourth of what I should be. I got it right last night and this morning, and now I feel like I absorbed the vibe of a warm blanket right out of the dryer.

This is going to kill me

I just pulled Blech from a booster!

I have been building a Shelob deck that empowers anything with the spider tag. You know who has the spider tag and also is green/black? A ton of the Spiderman cards.

“There goes your social life” was the hardest read in cinema in the last hundred years.

Dramatic change doesn’t happen over night. I’m in my seventh year of lifting (probs my second or third year with well-tuned diet and a solid training program.) I always thought it would take about 10 years and I wasn’t far off!

I’ve been in a really good mood about my gym progress lately even if at the moment I know I’m in one of those muddy middle stages (not full, not yet lean, not a girl, not yet a woman). I think realistically I’m about 2 years out from looking how I really want to look, and that’s super cool.

Zoom and Roll20 and several scheduling texts per week.

Superpower: I’ve been the DM for a D&D group that has met (mostly) weekly for a full decade.

Every once in a while the Technology Curmudgeon strikes and I lean into a big shift. (Deleting a social app, going private, etc.)

Today is the day where I wage a war on Notifications. Badges only unless it’s for work or it’s a text.