Never miss an opportunity to say “why does it look like that”

a black and white photo of a woman with the word duality on the bottom Alt: a black and white photo of a woman with the word duality on the bottom

Me: I wish people would stop texting and leave me alone

Me after a hour with no text: So I guess everyone stopped fucking with me. And that’s fine cause I came in this world alone and will leave it alone.

idk if this counts as a conspiracy theory exactly but I have this hunch that the default sexuality would be bi/pan if it wasn't for societal/cultural pressures

Credit scores were invented in the 80s to regain control over women and minorities after we were able to get credit without a white dude co-signing in the 70s. I am not a crackpot.

in honor of The Onion officially taking over InfoWars, what’s a conspiracy theory you 100% believe?

Michael Jordan was doing the exact same shit as Pete Rose (gambling on games his team played in) during his playing career and Nike+the NBA have…done what it took to keep that quiet.

stayed up way too late last night finishing this but I like how it turned out. ✌🏻

Are you really coming back to it later or are you just collecting a bunch of information that now overwhelms you to revisit

Do you have the object permanence to be bookmarking that many things? Hmm?

What did you expect? 🤷🏾 I don't need that kind of drama in my life

Me, as a child: -surrounded by second or third marriages; all spouses talking shit about their ex; repeated variations of "if we didn't have kids together, I'd never speak to you again"-

Dad, to me as a teen: ugh, never get married

Me: yup!

Dad: ....wait....uh....okay?

ANYWAY, falling marriage rates are always cast as some sort of issue? Don't agree with that. Marriage is no longer *compulsory,* is all that tells me, and that's good. It shouldn't be.

Maybe it's because I'm Gen X, but I CLEARLY remember old, married couples who despised each other for decades.

Me, not wanting to celebrate a good thing that happened because of the potential of a scam.

So a very tentative "yay, things are looking up" 🎉

I don't have to correct supplies for today :( but I've got a bottle of wine and some tacos. Just gotta figure out what I'm putting in my screens (movie/tv/game/etc)

It's weird that I know four people with a birthday this past week.

Oh ....iono, that might be his house now 😬

FUCK I am so out of shape

If you saw me stop and sit down five times on my way back from the store that's a block away.....

No you didn't, stfu 😭😭😭😭

This is Karsus, the family cat. Pretty sure he taught African American studies at community college in the 90’s

I am at a restaurant and a kid next to me is wearing goggles like a Digimon protagonist and calling is friend "A SCOUNDREL"

Amen 🙏

I need this kinda love 😭

There's a ghost in my house that keeps leaving the lights on and keeps the taps running when I'm not in the room.

It's me. I'm the ghost.

With glasses/contacts: that is the water sprinkler system that has been in that exact spot on the ceiling since I moved in

No glasses, squinting: ..........is that a bug?

Me, growing up: ugh, why are my family members (that grew up in the 30s, 40s, 50s) so racist against white folks. Ugh, so embarrassing.

Me, an adult: ........................oh

I want more friends for Chip. You on the Finch app? Add me 😬

I. Am. Your singing telegram-

-gunshot-

-door slam-

-silence-

-hums random notes outloud-

omg stfu, so annoying

-silence-

-hums random song-

omgggggggg

-repeat-

Here are the top 5 dogs of the week!

Clearsky is not good for my mental health

Why did you block me 3 days ago? I didn't even post nothin that day 😭 Who even ARE you?????

I don't think any app/site knows my real age 🤔