It's easy to forget how shocking it was when respected newsreader Angela Rippon came onto the Morecambe & Wise show and fired ping pong balls out of her fanny

I can think of a few examples that suggest otherwise

Film trivia:
No good movie has ever been made my a director with soul patch

Play up, Braintree. #ycfc

It'll be fine. It'll all be fine.

Probably

I'm a lot calmer about it than I thought I'd be. Probably immune to disappointment by now

Utterly Betrayed   The Rt Hon. Ralph St John Cholmondley having moped around glolmondley for three weeks in Belvoir with glandular felvoir, decided to surprise his fiancé in Frome.   Bursting into the rome, he found her cavorting with an awick from Hawick (via Worcester), whose close attentions had left her all of a florcester.   His fiancé, who hailed from Beaulieu, begged him not to get upset undeaulieu, as Ralph stared at them, boggle-eyed. Things aren’t how they look, she cried. Brian Bilston

Today’s poem is called ‘Utterly Betrayed’.

Could be today. What could possibly go wrong #ycfc 🔴🔵

It's an anagram, his real name is Dylan Baguettes

The bands are clearing out their spare rooms

Hip hip hooray, it's Record Store Day, you're going to need a second mortgage.

There were plenty other culprits tonight. Feeble defending across the park

Absolutely. It is a film.

Saw someone launching a ten-track EP in the week. Nah, unless they're all sub 2 minutes, that's an album

Tombstone (1993)

Today on Unemployed Cinema Club

Fellas, get to know your bollocks. When showering, have a feel, have a play. No ifs, no buts, Get to know your nuts. It’s not like you wouldn’t fumble anyway. Have a feel and a squeeze - only gently. Roll ‘em round between thumb and first fingers. You’re checking for lumps And hitherto unseen bumps And whether one’s firmer or bigger. You’ll get to know what feels normal And if something doesn’t, do not delay. Don’t be daft, don’t be crackers, Show your GP your knackers There are no prizes for waiting for days And if something is strange, there’s no need to panic. It might be summat, might be nowt, If you get seen sooner not later Chances of recovery are much greater Just go and get ‘em checked out

New poem. Balls!

Larval Gove

Ah thanks dude

A lot of people will be saying "I was only following orders" in years to come

Did not know there was an International Haiku Day. Here are some

Assorted Haiku Haiku #2511   Tourists wait in line to enter Machu Picchu. Oh, look! A high queue. Haiku #564127   how dare you suggest I have a short attention spanish omelette   Limeraiku   There once was a young limerick from Kew who turned into a haiku. The Constraints of Haiku   Tied up all night with a haiku dominatrix and her three-line whip.   Shakespearean Haiku   Shall I compare thee To a summer’s day? Alright – Thou art pretty hot.   How to Write a Haiku   The last line should flow seamlessly from the first two – hippopotamus.    Brian Bilston  

It’s International Haiku Day apparently and so for today’s poetry offering, here are a few assorted haiku.

I think you are right

💯 job applications milestone reached

Still trying but his TV career peaked in the 1997 drama Lost His Seat To A Foetus

Two men are sat inside a car. One man is looking forward, the other is looking to his right. The man looking forward is smiling. The man looking to his right, at the smiling man, has a quizzical look

"Do you know what they call a Filet'o'Fish in Galilee?"

"What?"

"Five loaves and two fish"

The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957)

Today on Unemployed Cinema Club

Steven Smith & Steven Naismith were never allowed to share a pitch in case it caused a rip in the space-time continuum