This is Jemma and Bean. Jemma likes to eat her cheese snacks. Bean prefers to eliminate hers. 13/10 for both (TT: bjkuhn)

Today is tricky for people who like to be festive. Do you bring your work crush a dozen roses, or do you put on an old hockey goalie mask and chase them with a long knife?

At MAGA’s alternate half-time show they’ll have an alternate Redfin commercial where the new Latino neighbors eat the dog.

Listening to Bruce Springsteen's "Streets of Minneapolis" I just keep hearing in my head, "four dead in Ohio." Listening to Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young's "Ohio" in the 1990's I was so thoroughly anti government, but I did not think anything similar could happen in my lifetime.

A Karen by any other name still wants to talk to the manager

The greatest Christmas gift of all is given to us by time, which every year makes it so that it isn’t Christmas anymore

I got a feeling that two presidents are about to be appearing in a whole bunch of AI videos which I do not want to see.

Has anyone asked Tim Allen if he supports Trump in the murdering of people who are suspected of drug trafficking?

World Series losers by country:
USA 120
Canada 0

i'm not one to complain about umpires but,

If a World Series game goes 18 innings then the next day should be an emergency national holiday

We’ll, we know some woman is married to an asshole…

Seeing your choice made me think Slim Pickens

Dr. Strangelove was an extremely hilarious movie during other administrations. Under the current one it’s just terrifying.

MAGA can't be as homophobic as I thought they were if they support a man's right to tear up the White House and install a ballroom.

Thinking kinda sucks when there's no one to share your thoughts with. Hi internet.

I got sexual harassment’s rookie card!

Young people - It’s ok if you don’t know who Robert Redford was, just be extra nice to your grandmas and/or great grandmas today

Colbert will land on his feet. CBS won't.

For any right wing comic who wants to celebrate Stephen Colbert getting cancelled there will be a spot for you next to a Latino who celebrated Trump's victory.

Please stop calling ICE kidnappers.
They are murderers.

On July 4th anyone who truly loves America will be mourning instead of celebrating.

12 Tears a Slave shows how injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are all less safe because CECOT exists.

Just saw some good news on Bluesky so I’m gonna close the app and try to enjoy the rest of my day

As an English speaker there are several different ways you can pronounce “Qatar” and all of them are wrong.

Trump not knowing that a photoshop was his excuse for using the Alien Enemies Act may be the lowest moment in the history of the presidency.

“The most successful 100 days in the history of our country,” said the guy with the 3 most successful marriages in the history of marriage.

SHS: Please Mr. President, can Arkansas we get federal disaster relief?
Trump: Are these Arkansas people billionaires?
SHS: No, of course not. Can we please get help?
Trump: No, of course not.

It's so unfair to all the people who borrowed money from the mafia if students who can't pay their loans back on time don't get their kneecaps broken too.