pink peony bud in bloom

idk but this peony needs to calm down 🤣

What did everyone get me for Earth Day?

Him: My father yelling at me
Therapist: And this one?
Him: My wife screwing my best friend
Therapist: What about this one?
Him: Aren’t you supposed to be using ink blots?

Therapist: And what do we do when we feel overwhelmed? Me: Disappear entirely into our deepest BDSM fantasies? Therapist: Good girl. Me: What? Therapist: What?

why are ai folks so bent about me hating it. fine, i'll fall behind! let me!!! fuck off!!!!

Sometimes I just tell myself the joke and laugh

I don’t want to live in the past, but there’s a few places I like to visit.

In honor of Earth day I've decided to have a salad for lunch. You hear me Earth? I will eat you

It’s days like these I wish my dog could pet me back.

Earthday? is there any cake left?

Excellent

Today, I will give thanks by dedicating my weed smoking to Mother Earth

Photo of a dog wearing a plastic pink tiara and a frilly rainbow tutu. The dog is sitting on a couch and looks indifferent to its situation as it's dealt with this shit all its life

He was a fairy

🥰

I’m not a loner, I’m just selectively social.

But have you tried having an infinitely large heart on an infinitesimally small budget?

She is beautiful 🤩

*i just won a gunfight*

Gunfight referee: please slice the celebratory cake with your knife

Me: actually I was told specifically to not bring a knife

GR: whoever is telling people that needs to stop, everyone should bring BOTH a gun and a knife, we can’t just keep loaning out knives!

I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

Crouching penis; hidden clitoris

I don't know I'm just here for the free breadsticks

I don’t care about your legal name tell me your illegal name

My town isn't just walkable, it's drunken stumbleable

Single-panel cartoon showing a woman saying "It's raining men." Facing her is a man saying "Not all men."

Omg no shit, tik tok did what?! Just kidding I don't give a fuck I'm not a 12 year old girl

This is what happens when you take an asshole to a bullfight

Noon is a magical time that is neither morning, afternoon, evening, or night.

That looks like a beautiful place to spend the day

First date idea: we stare into each other's eyes until the combined weight of our loneliness crushes us